Why is the most popular aphobe take “oh you wanna be oppressed?” instead of just acknowledging that aces aren’t straight and that that’s the POINT of the queer community? I get frustrated

We all have different experiences with asexuality across the spectrum. Some of us have had a great time and never had issues! Others have faced serious abuses. That’s not the point of what makes someone queer and it never should be.

People of all orientations will have different experiences. Statistically some will be in more danger than others on average, but to say no ace is ever in that position due to our orientation is blatant erasure. Also, aces may or may not be cis/bi/aro/more than one queer identity

This whole martyrdom complex where aphobes are like “but!!!! you haven’t suffered!!!” is self centered and childish and additionally ignores large parts of queer history. WEVE BEEN HERE. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Timeline_of_asexual_history

Also - there are problems that are specific to asexuality. Here are some from @FYeahAsexual. We have very real struggles. https://twitter.com/fyeahasexual/status/1166570082325139461

What are you going to do when people become largely accepting of LGBTQIA+ identities? Are you going to tell them “you didn’t fight, your elders did it for you, you don’t belong here”? Is it about not being straight or is it oppression olympics?

I have met some people who are LGBTQIA+ who were awful people. Guess what! They’re in the community too! Me not liking them or thinking they don’t recognize the struggles of others isn’t what made their identity, THEY made their identity.

And we’re acknowledged now by many queer activism groups, publications, and also MANY OTHER LGBTQIA+ PEOPLE. Many aces are also lesbian, non-binary, trans, bi, polyamorous- the list goes on.

What do you do as an exclusionist when we’re queer in another way that “qualifies” us? Do you ignore the ace part? And if so, why? What does that possibly get you? Why is your energy in gatekeeping and not in useful activism?

Asexuals are not straight. Neither is anyone on these spectrums. Many of us have struggled with a society that tries so hard to force us into boxes of sexual & romantic identity. We can even face violence & attempts to “correct” us from medical professionals.

We aren’t asking to be oppressed! Quite the opposite. When your first reaction to someone coming out/ being aro/aspec is that we want to be “special” and “oppressed” you’re feeding into the very struggles we’re fighting to affirm our identity in a world that says we don’t exist.

Not to mention when you jump to “aces aren’t queer” you ignore other parts of who we are - many aces are trans, non-binary, bi, pan, lesbian, gay, etc. Asexual is not heterosexual. There are many ways to experience attraction. There are many ways to be.

This is worth repeating: asexual is not heterosexual. Demisexual heteroromantic is not heterosexual. Gray aces who date the opposite gender are not “just straight”. Asexuality is not a different name for heterosexuality. Neither are any identities under its umbrella.

That also goes for aromantic, demiromantic, gray aro. This is not just being cishet&straight with a different name. This is a profound lack of romantic attraction or very rare romantic attraction. I’m not aromantic but this needs so much more awareness & acceptance.

When you flock onto us and harass us, troll us, tell us we aren’t “queer enough” for you, you are ignoring our pains, ignoring queer history, and making being queer about pain that can only look YOUR way. You are saying “this community is open to everyone *I decide is queer.”

The beautiful thing is that it is not up to you. The fight is to lessen the suffering of others, not tell people they don’t belong if they didn’t have your struggles. The fight is to make a generation of queers someday read about our pains as a distant struggle, not their reality

Yknow what I think is beautiful? When queer people can come out and are fully supported by the families, partners & workplaces and not fear violence. That sounds much better to me than immediately asking if their life is difficult and how much to measure their suffering.

Anyway anyone who is asexual, demisexual, or gray ace is welcome here to me, and I’m really done with exclusionist BS right now