so here's a thing that happens to me

I'm not sure where the lines are in this between autism, adhd, mental illness, chronic illness and pain, fatigue, and ~who knows what else~, but anyway

in order to do a thing, I have to know everything involved in it before I start doing it-

I have to know all the steps, necessary equipment and materials, how much they weigh and how hard they'll be to lift, move, manipulate, where I'll have to put them (in the case of cooking, up high in the microwave? down low in the oven?), how long I'll have to stand/move/work-

I have to consider the results I want and how to get them, and the possible consequences of messing it up (how long can I leave it alone for, what if I run out of spoons in the middle, what if I forget? can it be saved?)

sometimes the collection and consideration of all this is-

all the spoons I have available, and now I can't follow through on doing the thing because I'm too worn out from considering/planning it

so now I have a plan I can't execute that I probably won't remember and will have to rebuild the next time I need it

and if I write it down-

I will probably forget that I did that, or where I put it, and maybe spend all the spoons I have at some future point trying to find it again, probably failing, and then having to rebuild the plan anyway, thus spending more spoons than the first time I did it instead of saving-

anyway that's why I'm not having egg salad right now, because the process of boiling an egg is quite beyond my current capacity

but here's a nice thread I wrote while laying down, exhausted from planning how to boil eggs today

please send boiled eggs or pizza money, thank you