There's lots of confusion about what to do on the pavement trying to maintain social distancing.

Why not try following the International Regulations for Preventing Collisions at Sea 1972, published by the International Maritime Organisation?

1. Stay as close to the starboard (that's right to you non seamen) as is safe to do so. i.e. NOT THE WHOLE PAVEMENT

2. Two parties encountering head on should turn to starboard to pass, always. None of this awkward dance thank you.

3. If overtaking, signal your intent (a quite clear of the throat with mouth closed), and the party being overtaken should NOT increase speed or change direction. It's not a goddamn regatta Clive.

4. Where two parties converge perpendicularly, the party to the STARBOARD side has priority, the one giving way should turn to starboard and pass behind as the stand on party moves. (Bit complicated this one)5

5. Faster, more manoeuvrable powered vessels should give way to slower vessels. I'm looking at you, joggers.

6. Just avoid crowded places if you can alright

7. In the event of a dispute, both parties shall halt, weigh anchor, fly the man overboard (OSCAR) flag, and refer the matter to the International Tribunal for the Laws of the Sea, in Hamburg, Germany.

8. Occasionally, a foreign government may issue Letters of Marque, authorising parties to board you and plunder your booty.

Should this occur, remain calm. Draw your cutlass and prepare to defend your honour/toilet paper haul.

#StayAlert to the possibility of pavement piracy.

Practice your cutlass drill at 2m distance.