Among the many myths about adoption that I would like to yeet into the sun, foremost would be the idea that replacing one sent of parents with another eliminates a sense of loss and grief.

How can we possibly expect babies and small children to process loss that is so huge and overwhelming that we can't even really talk about it? Adopted kids are on their own to try to understand and process unfathomable loss.

I've said think before, but everyone one says that family is precious and irreplaceable unless you happen to be adopted and then people tell you that family is entirely interchangeable and replaceable and that you should be grateful for this.

The other reason that we are alone in our loss is that it isn't often safe to talk about our loss with adoptive parents (no matter how well intentioned). So imagine being, say, five years old and struggling to process this overwhelming grief that you can talk about with anyone.

And the gaslighting that happens when you're processing this biggest loss of your life, alone as a child, and everyone from well meaning strangers to friends to internet celebrities to slick marketing campaigns tells you this is the greatest thing that's ever happened to you.

Even if you had someone to talk to about your loss, there's no language with which to do so. The Positive Adoption Language of the 1970s that adoptive parents love so much doesn't have words for the loss kids feel.