colonoscopy during global pandemic and Russian-mob takeover ain’t such a great idea

but that’s what I’m doing Monday morning

any words of wisdom? if I tweet weird shit over the weekend you’ll know why as yes pun intended

update: I'm hungry and want 5 F-ing triple cheeseburgers

I've also lost like 10 lbs of water weight so yeah this forced-diet thing is going well

the MAGAs better not come for me cuz I ain't in no mood to dick around with traitors today #ColonoscopyAttitude

also BIG shout-out & thanks to best pal @Ren_ManATL who has dubious honor of driving me to wretched-but-necessary procedure at buttcrack of dawn tomorrow

note to self: don’t cough or sneeze too hard

UPDATE 2: successful colonoscopy! only a teeny-tiny polyp and I'm back in the saddle with coffee in hand (praise jeebus)

thanks to all for cheering/giving advice; much appreciated!

once my caffeine has kicked in I'll share stories about MAGA snowflakes in doc's office who had hurt feelings about my #TuckFrump mask https://twitter.com/bywillpollock/status/1258808488748294146?s=20

UPDATE 3: if I don't get this #HospitalKaren story out I won't be able to sleep

arrived for my colonoscopy at 6:45 a.m. wearing jammy pants slippers and my right to the 1st-ammendment https://twitter.com/bywillpollock/status/1258808488748294146?s=20

first I wanna say unequivocally: ALL hospital workers in age of COVID are heroes—from doctors nurses to cafeteria workers and yes even the MAGA Karens

after arriving groggy tired and wearing my mask I approached the receptionist who was quite curt with me

I thought nothing of it since it was the buttcrack of dawn

nurse comes to collect me and sees my #TuckFrump mask; "oh my god that's hysterical! love it!" and we both have a laugh

she takes me back to my gurney and I put on that gross open-back gown for easy access

we chitchat and kiki and she's SUPER sweet

cut to about 10 minutes later and I'm wheeled to the procedure room; I'm lying there and the anesthesiologist walks in

he's an attractive young Asian guy and stops dead in his tracks and CRACKS UP

"that's great" he says

few other sassy nurses see the mask and laugh/give compliments; after affixing oxygen feed under the mask (super smart btw) awesome-Asian guy shows me the Propofol

"here's the good stuff! nighty-night"

(if I'm being honest I see why Michael Jackson loved that stuff)

<colonoscopy aka "butthole probe" happens>

awoke to chipper nurse who asked how I was feeling; she told me to take it easy and then she said this

"your mask has made some staff uncomfortable; I personally LOVE it. would you mind using a different mask? you absolutely don't have to"

(remember I'm coming down off Propofol high and generally spacey)

"it's very breathable so I'm gonna keep it on" I responded

#HospitalKaren

I sign discharge paperwork and get dressed; they bring me to an area with a few chairs while I wait to get escorted out

just then a male orderly pops over and sits down next to me with a serious tone #HospitalKaren

"your mask has made a few people uncomfortable; would you mind covering it up with another mask?"

(I was gonna be there for all of 5 more minutes)

"I'd rather not" I said

he kept on: "it's just that we have a policy of no political statements and..."

me, getting irritated, said "fine"

he went and got another mask and *as I was putting it on* my escort came and the whole thing was moot

if you're working in hospital setting *in service to patients* maybe check your hypersensitivity about Dear Leader

...who by the by is a TRAITOR and RUSSIAN MOB ASSET #HospitalKaren

not my first #HospitalKaren experience, you guys

10 years ago I was with then-boyfriend for moral support at Doctors Hospital in Augusta GA

Affordable Care Act had *just* passed House of Representatives

https://www.yelp.com/biz/doctors-hospital-augusta?hrid=gECl0Zr_7BO3orZGWaPo6g

in a LOUD shouty voice attending nurse went OFF on Obama spewing Fixed Noise primetime nonsense of how #ACA would lead to anarchy and Obummer was a king blah blah

I wrote scathing Yelp review and sent a print copy to the hospital #HospitalKaren