Seeing a lot of tweets from men about how they’ll beat the shit out of bad men at conferences and the like (paraphrasing, y’all). And while I know it’s kind and you mean well... remember that by doing so you’re casting women in the role of Damsel in Distress.

My dad does this a lot because he’s a southern blowhard. And it irritates the shit out of me.

Especially bc he and others with similar inclinations vote against my rights at the ballot box. Or they don’t speak up in the moment. Or they allow their shitty friends to continue shitty behavior because, you know, that’s how men talk.

This is just my perspective as someone who experienced domestic violence living with my mom and stepdad: I don’t want your fists. I want your voice. Don’t take away a woman’s agency.

To be fair, some women might want a protector. Probably because they’re tired. In that situation, just ask! Example: Kelly, would you like me to beat the shit out of this person? Me: absofuckinglutely. Get it.

Other times, you could ask: Kelly, would you like me to ensure no one else interrupts you while you kick his ass? Me: fuck yes. Hold my drink.

And other times, you could call out the behavior on the spot and we can all yell, SHAME! SHAME! That’s far more satisfying.

But you can ask. You can protect without resorting to violence (even as I used violence here bc humor is how I cope). The men I love the most are the ones who are compassionate, nonviolent, willing to learn and listen. That’s how we make a dent.

Anyway... believe women. Don’t require a thesis of their trauma before you do. Hold yourselves and others accountable, even the ones you like. Examine your biases. Vote for progressive candidates. Trans women are women.