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A thought about polyam relationship problems: because of the nature of polyam, failures are frequently more public than similar failures in monogamous relationships. Both involve human beings, and the successes and failures are essentially the same.
But, because of the way polyam works, it just tends to 1) involve more people (even a triad tends to have a broader social footprint than a duo plus infidelity) and 2) tends to be more visible to onlookers.
The added complexity is that polyam is very much a roll-your-own-adventure. So while fractures are super-visible, exactly which commitments were or weren't broken is really not at all visible.
That means that the ways we screw up tend to be very normal and human (failure to communicate, break promises, etc.) but the _exact_ error is often not visible to onlookers. (Frex: totally fine to bonk so-and-so, but you missed dinner and didn't call first.)
That also means that those of us who are abusive (and, again, we're human) can easily lie about what happened, what agreements were, who violated them, and how breeches were addressed.
So, when you see the edges of polyam drama, be aware of the things you can't know.
So, when you see the edges of polyam drama, be aware of the things you can't know.
