Random this but here goes: the most addictive thing about being single is that the drama in your life is so minimal that you don’t think you are ever cut out for sharing your life ever again lots of people reaching out to me on DM, and in my real life world,

Sharing stories, asking for advice, and it makes me realise that people are hurting for lots of reasons and it makes me sad what we do to one another as humans. So, my advice is pretty simple (if you want relationship advice from a 45 year old divorced single woman!)

It’s not a blog, as I was asked to write yesterday by a few people, and it’s not about education at all, but it’s a hot morning and I can’t sleep, so this is a collection of advice I’ve given in the past 3 months- feel free to add to or take from it.

Do all things with integrity- even love. It’s so much harder, in the medium and long term, to live if you’re hiding secrets and trying to be something and someone you’re not. So don’t. Life is really too short to live in and with lies, even if it’s only yourself you’re lying to.

In times of great stress people do not behave as they would like, but rather as past experiences have programmed them to. We all have a default setting. Understanding that can save relationships, talking about it and working on it can even improve them.

Listen twice as hard to what people are not telling you as you do to what they are telling you. Be present and don’t let tech or irrelevant things cloud out the connections and relationships you have, with anyone-children, friends, partners, family. Learn to read people not texts

Love people unconditionally, if you’re going to love them. We all have a million flaws and usually there are legitimate reasons for those flaws. Try not to judge and just accept people for all of their component parts. The broken bits of them are the bits that need the most love!

If someone tells you they don’t love you or don’t want to be with you, in words, actions, or both, let them go. Behave with dignity and wish them well. In your life you have the potential to love and be loved many times but not if you are holding grudges and taking revenge.

If someone physically harms you, get help immediately, as hard as it may feel, take action and leave. They will do it again and it will be harder, each time it happens, to pluck up courage because you blame yourself for not doing/being better. It’s not you. Leave.

If someone emotionally hurts you, heal yourself rather than try to hurt them back. Anyone who treats people badly is unlikely to ‘learn a lesson’ if you also react by treating them badly. They are usually hurting from something anyway! Revenge/retaliation will make you hollow.

Never ever use children as a weapon. They should (safeguarding notwithstanding) see grandparents, wider family, both parents, despite who is at fault for a relationship breakdown. Punishing grandparents, or the absentee parent, only punishes the children. They deserve better.

Never do anything expecting something in return. Just do as many good deeds as you can in a day and rest easy knowing you couldn’t have done more. Give it out. Good comes back in lots of ways and always in the way you need, maybe not the way you want.

Don’t be a doormat or a martyr. Never beg anyone for respect, affection or attention - if you’re having to ask for it, it’s not right. Walk away with dignity.

This entire thread is gender neutral and inclusive this is advice I’ve given to people who have inboxed me or cried on my shoulder (metaphorically as well as in real life pre-lockdown). Treating people badly doesn’t just happen in one sector of society.

Don’t go looking for love in every interaction you have. Instead switch it around, go looking for life as you live it, and do all things with love, from planting in your garden, to shopping in asda, and love will find you, whether you want it or not.

I think we are full circle. Feel free to add your own wisdom if you’ve got to this point!!!