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For many of us who have deconverted from evangelical Christianity, we are left with a certain level of anger, but it’s frustrating because it’s ambiguous anger. A deep sense of wrong, but rarely do we have a specific person to point that anger toward. 1/
For many of us who have deconverted from evangelical Christianity, we are left with a certain level of anger, but it’s frustrating because it’s ambiguous anger. A deep sense of wrong, but rarely do we have a specific person to point that anger toward. 1/
Religion isn't a conspiracy. It's been formed more by capitalization. In a conspiracy there are events that are intentionally set in motion by a secret group to further a nefarious plan which benefits the secret group. Religion isn't like that.
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In religion, it’s more of an ongoing pattern where the system capitalized on events. So it didn’t cause them, but used them to create a monster.
A gradual morphing into what it became. 3/
There’s no single person or event in history to look back to and nail down as THE moment that someone evil turned Christianity into the fundamentalist monster it became. It was more of a gradual series of events that were capitalized on.
4/
Due to that, those of use who have deconverted are left holding this very real but very ambiguous rage. Someone did this to us. But who? Those who lead us astray were also led astray. They were just as duped as we were.
Sure there is the occasional bad guy, but that's rare. 5/
Rarely do we get a moment of clarity from parents or former pastors/teachers/authors who admit that they were wrong. Most did what they thought was best. So even if they leave it behind, they cannot bring themselves to admit the harm they have caused, leaving us unsatisfied.
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I think this might be why many of us struggle to move on from the anger phase of deconversion, because it’s impossible to get closure. It’s all too big. It’s like screaming at the clouds. And we often jump on any pastor/leader who messes up and take our anger out on them.
7/
We were told that anger was sin, and we were forced to forgive. We were told that if we allowed ourselves to be angry that we’d become bitter and out of control. Well, we’re angry. And we’re a bit of control. And we won’t be forced to forgive.
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Anger is important because it helps us create space when we need to protect ourselves. Anger puts up walls that have big block letters that say “NOT AGAIN” between us and the system that oppressed us.
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So let’s give ourselves the space and time to deal with our ambiguous anger. We have to let it out. It has to be vented. It’s good anger. It’s just extra frustrating. The system did this to us. We’re allowed to rage about it. Be angry. We’re allowed.
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10/end
