TRUMP: And I'm walking through Area 51 and this group of aliens, all about 4 foot 3, little guys, come up to me and say 'Sir, thank you for letting us land our ship here" and I say "well, I'm not Obama, you are gonna have to pay to stay here. What's your currency?"

TRUMP: I'm on Air Force One eating a steak, they have the best steaks on Air Force One, juicy, seared steaks, top notch steaks, and the Co-Pilot comes out of the cockpit and he says 'Sir, the Captain is unconscious, can you land this plane?' So I'm like "Sure. Just this once."

TRUMP: So I'm sitting in the Oval watching Laura on Fox, so good, I remember when she wasn't so good, but now she's good, and the SS come in and are like "Sir, you gotta go to the Bunker, it's Antifa." and I'm like, can I finish my ice cream, and they're like "No Sir, now!" Fine.

TRUMP: I'm sleeping with Lou Dobbs' wife, she's like a 6, and we're doing this and that, and all of a sudden Lou comes over, he's watching us, and says "Sir, can I get in there for little bit" and I tell him Lou, I thought it was my night. Don't be greedy. And he says Sorry Sir.

TRUMP: I'm walking with Pence, and we're talking God. He only wants to talk about God. God this. God that, all of a sudden we see a unicorn and he's like "Sir, do you see it?" And I'm like, yeah I see it, let me get Don and Eric, they can shoot it and put that horn on my mantle.