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Call out culture is so toxic and I do not want anything to do with it. I will probably be canceled for this opinion
My learned experience of calling someone out and essentially permitting a trial by fire: I called kyle Cooley out online about two months ago. I thought about it for a long time and wanted him to be outed because there were dozens upon dozens of women who came forward and I -
felt justified in doing so. I genuinely felt it would help others. There are cases in which I think someone’s wrongdoings are GOOD to be exposed, sure, but also with an understanding of what the implications are and a call to action -
The thing is, Kyle Didnt learn anything from being called out. He is still living in his grandmother’s house gaming away and I’m sure looking for the next woman to groom and I cannot stop him. The call to action was to make people aware of a consistent, habitual and painful act -
That act brought many, many women together and brought forward worse actions than we could have imagined. I do not regret exposing him. There are other cases going on, such as the Matt Barnum case, that are necessary because this person travels thus this information -
Too needs to travel with him to protect others. I’m noticing a spike in calling others out that conflates abuse with an uncomfortable situation and that accusation, conflated with abuse, can genuinely ruin someone’s life and you have to understand those implications.
In some circumstances folks are avoiding an individual conversation, that can bring to light that person’s behavior to them in order for them to fix it and instead crucifying them without leaving room for rehabilitation.
Again, there are people who do deserve to have their behavior brought to light. With that being said, if you had an uncomfortable but not abusive experience with a person, you should speak to them about it and give them a chance to understand what they did was wrong
Or if you’re not comfortable, set up a mediated conversation. That form of rehabilitation is clinically known to bring peace, understanding, and change to both parties. If your first step of action is to post a non-national issue to a national platform, think about why
Is it to bring you peace? Or is it to feel justified in your anger? Because trust me your feelings are always valid, but there are many times better options than putting someone in social solitary confinement -
Look up what happens to people in solitary confinement and understand that you are doing the same thing to someone socially. Isolating them, leaving them with little resources and no avenue of rehabilitation and further causing resentment, anger, perpetuating the same behaviors
I’m not calling anyone a liar - I’m just saying that a trial by fire like call out culture is many times an ego-fueled action, like my call out of Kyle honestly was (again I do not regret it because the women coming forward has been... unbelievable)
So if you have had an uncomfortable experience with someone, If you felt betrayed by the fact that they led you on, even if you developed a complex from it - please do not conflate hurt and abuse. They are vastly different and by calling it out can change the course of a persons-
entire life. Be open to learning and teaching and true rehabilitation, and if that isn’t possible seek the next avenue. Know that what you’re doing is for the purpose of true good. Thanks for coming to my ted talk
