I got an email today that opened with the old "I hope this email finds you well." No email finds anyone well right now.

"I hope this email finds you bursting with molten rage."

"I hope this email brings the absolute absurdity of the current state of the world into razor-sharp focus."

"I hope this email finds you possessed of a radiant fury that could reignite the last cold cinders of a Universe on the verge of heat death."

"I hope this email finds you. That's the best outcome I'm capable of imagining right now."

“I hope this email finds you in a panic, the darkness closing in.”