friends, rape culture is insidious. if you think you haven’t participated in it, you’re wrong.

& this absolutely means cis men (straight AND queer) have to step up the caution levels. I’ve had cis gay friends who perpetuate the bro culture. I’ve watched cis gay men cross boundaries with afab friends because it “doesn’t matter.”

cishet men, you know about the “nice guy” myth. now you need to extend it to include the fact that you need to watch yourself & your behaviors EVEN IF you think you’re an ally. the rest of us have had to think through every move we make so as not to “entice” an abuser for YEARS

I’m not excluding myself or folx who aren’t cis men from rape culture either. I’ve absolutely failed at times to call out comments because they’re “harmless” or I’m “tired.” I’m better at it now than I used to be, & I’m still gonna fail. but fuck you if you decide to stop trying.

then when you look at the intersections of these issues wrt race, disability, neurodiversity — it absolutely gets worse.

& there’s a whole other thread in apologies & forgiveness, but the bottom line is: if your behavioral changes are predicated on someone else giving you forgiveness or holding your hand, it doesn’t sound like you actually want to change.