Remembering a conversation I had with a senior animator at a VFX company in MN. The main boss dude screamed and shouted at his employees, and they just took it. Environment was stressful every day, and just the boss's presence stressed me out. So I asked the animator:

"Hey, so, being completely honest here, but it seems that the AD boss is being way too aggressive to you guys. Not only turning ideas down, but calling them terrible things and belittling the entire team, why do you guys take that abuse?" His answer was not surprising:

"Oh, its been like that forever here!" The entire team at this company are the nicest people in the world, and they took time to teach me, but they are so drowned in a toxic workspace that I kept hearing terms like, "That's the industry!" or "Oh it happens, but we move on!"

These things just don't happen.Example, I was hired to make illustrations, and take an opportunity to feel out the studio for a few months. I made it very clear that I just started animation just a few months ago, but was assured that I would be a good candidate to learn and grow

But how can an individual grow, when you keep shouting at me? Wait no, Screaming. There were entire weeks where I was so nervous that my hands were constantly shaking and I couldn't even communicate because of how nervous I was.

If an intern does not know technicals and theory of animation to make something work, as a manager you take that opportunity to teach them, or get another member to guide the process through. Instead every iteration of this animation I made he shouted at me. "This is horrible"

Oh and getting a random call on a weekend, not asking if I can make time, but just stating we need to change things, then leaving me alone in a studio as i struggled to learn new programs while trying to deliver on this animation and pulling an all nighter

Once it was done, I wanted out, but got duped into that, "oh you can totally use our resources to do what ever you like" That's not how it works though. I still feel like such a fucking idiot for being an unpaid intern for 4 months.

It's only when I stated that I need to make regular income, and that I need to leave, that he started paying......Minimum wage. The idea was I would work on a self driven project and then have a review to determine if I can be a full time employee.

Of course that goal post keeps getting pushed further and further, and at points completely ignoring my asks for a review, as I worked on another self-driven project that kept getting revisions according to his art direction.

I barely got to work with the team, only on a few assets here and there, but my occupation felt pointless, the environment was always stressful and although the other animators were amazing people, the stress burnt people out. Why was I even there?

I decided to leave in March. and that conversation was awkward, he got angry and asked me, "then why did you decide to join us in the first place?"Which I responded, "I joined because you asked, and now I wish to leave" and then he complained about how people do this all the time

I fucking wonder why your internship program has such a high turnover rate. Why I was there for that long was just pure terror. "If I leave, then i'm a failure" "these people have strong networks, I'll never get a job in anim again" "thing will get better?"

So that last day I was there, when I asked that senior animator about the screaming and aggressiveness, he brushed it off, but acknowledged it. the weird thing is that hes such a nice person to work with, I guess its a situation where someones in the burning house vs seeing it.

I realized only after I got my 2nd job, that a non-toxic workplace exist. Where teams have efficient systems to allow entry-level designers to catch up with the rest of the group. Sure it was hard work, but commuting to my new job did not have the anticipation of terror.

I say that the team was amazing, but another factor that freaked me out was the other intern. He seemed to be a quite dude, but some of those conversations were a big nope for me. He suggested a podcast to me that was all about pickup and "talking to girls" basically incel stuff.

He always was a victim, angry and could feel that internalized rage. There was this one wild conversation where we talked about WW2 history, and then he states, "You gotta admit, Hitler was efficient in his take over of Europe." I had to control my rage.

Its like one of those tactics where you say little things here and there, until you find the other racist in the room to be buddies with. His praise of Hitler as a, "genius, tactical leader" was kinda the thing that made me to, ok i'm out. and left by that month.

Unpaid internships are bad, Screaming at interns is bad, Racism is bad. I know now that if i even have a tiny bit of discomfort from initial interactions, i'm out. I just wish I was able to do that from the get go.

Oh! and I just remembered this as I am editing this thread, why the hell was the other intern getting paid, while I was unpaid for months?? Seriously fuck that.