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People keep saying wwx wasn't a father to a-yuan during burial mounds at least but imo that ignores a whole lot of experiences of families that aren't necessarily what most people are used to.
In that context raising a child is very clearly a group project. Jin Ling for example, because even when he did have a father and a mother there were more people involved, and especially after they die other people need to step up. That's okay and normal, it's a community.
There are a lot of ways you can choose to identify who is a child's parent. Blood related, formal adoption, primare care givers, sure, all of that.
And that's what people commonly use against wwx, but it's a very limited point of view.
And that's what people commonly use against wwx, but it's a very limited point of view.
It's true that wwx isn't formally anouncing an adoption there, isn't blood related and probably isn't the person who spends more time caring for a-yuan.
It's a community, after all, and we see them sharing responsabilites on all tasks, buuuuut let's not forget that's not random.
It's a community, after all, and we see them sharing responsabilites on all tasks, buuuuut let's not forget that's not random.
To burial mounds wwx is the highest authority figure. Even Wen Qing (who can stop him on his bullshit) recognises that, the community is tied around him in a lot of ways.
Of course, so are disciples to a sect leader, and that doesn't make a sect leader their father. Wait.
Of course, so are disciples to a sect leader, and that doesn't make a sect leader their father. Wait.
So what makes someone a father?
A main point people ignore is... Who does that child see as a father figure?
That is relevant information in custody disputes, even. It's not a competition of blood, bureaucracy, time. Let's talk about the gray areas, that's human experience.
A main point people ignore is... Who does that child see as a father figure?
That is relevant information in custody disputes, even. It's not a competition of blood, bureaucracy, time. Let's talk about the gray areas, that's human experience.
I'll jump to Lan Sizhui post-wwx's death for comparison. Ok, we know Lan Zhan takes him into the clan, but he suffers through a punishment and he's in seclusion for three years.
Doesn't Lan Sizhui have a father during that period? Hear me out.
Doesn't Lan Sizhui have a father during that period? Hear me out.
Sure you can obsesse over technical points on if lwj just told everyone "i gave birth to him" or if he's just a junior, but I think when lwj takes him he's immediately assuming the responsability to care for that child as his own. I don't think he even has to think about it.
The evidence I hold for that is... Sure, lwj could have saved him and that would have been it, but he's very clearly closely raised by him after seclusion.
During those 3yrs he was introduced into the clan and taken care of by, you guessed it, other people.
During those 3yrs he was introduced into the clan and taken care of by, you guessed it, other people.
It's fair to assume during those 3yrs people told Lan Sizhui about lwj, told him he'd be back.... And by the time seclusion ended surely they had to work on their bond but lwj was very much his father already.
That's not a wild conclusion.
Hang on, there's more.
That's not a wild conclusion.
Hang on, there's more.
That slow shift is what I think happens to wwx too. The moment he takes the wens he is, much like lwj did, taking on a lot of responsability all at once. He could, just like lwj could, make the choice to have a smaller role in a-yuan's life and be his fun, distant gege.
BUT
BUT
A-yuan probably looks for someone to see as a father figure, and wwx probably doesn't even plan to adopt him, he just... Does.
He shifts into that role of authority, of taking care of him, and slowly things settle into them recognising each other as father/son.
He shifts into that role of authority, of taking care of him, and slowly things settle into them recognising each other as father/son.
What's the evidence for that? Well, a-yuan loses a lot of his memories from burial mounds, and surely he's happy and emotional to find wen ning, but you know who he cries and clings to as soon as he understands who it is?
Yup, wwx.
Yup, wwx.
What I am saying is: wwx isn't blood related, isn't adopting him through formal methods, and probably isn't even who spent more time with him.
But they develop a bond that is so fundamental for a-yuan that he recognises him as a father even when he barely remembers him.
But they develop a bond that is so fundamental for a-yuan that he recognises him as a father even when he barely remembers him.
You see, wen ning is technically way closer to a-yuan, but the figure a-yuan is immediately drawn to, feels secure with, and gets extra emotional upon recognising is wwx.
These gray areas of experience shouldn't be ignored just because they aren't the norm.
These gray areas of experience shouldn't be ignored just because they aren't the norm.
You'll find a TON of examples like that in reality, and it goes both ways: someone might be blood related to you, might adopt you, might spend the most time with you and you might still NOT recognise them as a father/mother figure bc idk, they suck. That's also valid and real.
You might have all the different theories on why or how exactly they reach the point of a-yuan seeing both of them as father figures, but it's undeniable that he does.
During that scene wwx reaches for a-yuan's ribbon btw, and he doesn't even flinch. That's family right there.
During that scene wwx reaches for a-yuan's ribbon btw, and he doesn't even flinch. That's family right there.
The dynamic is such that while lwj is in seclusion people are very clearly taking care of a-yuan until his father comes back, regardless of they say that out loud or not. They aren't his father for 3 years and then lwj steps in, they're filling in while his father isn't there.
That doesn't change the fact those communities matter so, so much for the development of those children. They do. They just don't replace wwx's role as his father.
thanks for coming to my ted talk
thanks for coming to my ted talk
... a fellow historian said better what i meant by "this is a group project": https://twitter.com/300foxxxway/status/1276260315584397313
