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This is a serious thread about mental health, physical wellbeing, and divorce so GTFO now if you don't want to read it.
I suffer from chronic depression. I take medication for it, and have been relatively stable for the past 2.5 years with a couple of hiccups.
I suffer from chronic depression. I take medication for it, and have been relatively stable for the past 2.5 years with a couple of hiccups.
I've also been going through a divorce that, while mostly amicable now, has come with its share of difficult moments. There's a lot of guilt in choosing yourself over your family. You feel selfish, and wonder if you gave up too easily. For 2 years, I've dealt with that.
At the detriment to my physical health. Which, being honest, wasn't great to begin with.
& that brings its own set of feelings: negative self-doubt, anger at fat shamers, excuses followed by guilt for not taking care of myself. Referring to myself as fat, lazy, undesirable.
& that brings its own set of feelings: negative self-doubt, anger at fat shamers, excuses followed by guilt for not taking care of myself. Referring to myself as fat, lazy, undesirable.
You can say what you want about women using social media for validation, and posting for attention, but there's a very real sense of personal growth & satisfaction that can come from that. We need to trust ourselves more & know that it's just fine to use the tools we have.
All that being said, I had a breakthrough a few weeks ago. I used to hike frequently, and I've always loved being in the woods. I went for a solo hike for the first time in maybe ten years and...
I forgave myself.
I forgave myself.
I realized that I've been in a sort of survival mode mentality for over 2 years. I didn't have any space, mentally, physically, or emotionally, to take care of my physical well-being. Instead of feeling shame & anger at myself, I felt okay.
I forgave myself.
I forgave myself.
And then last Saturday, I took my kids on a hike to a place that was very special to me. And it was wonderful. And I committed to letting myself spend time working on my physical health again. Because I finally feel strong enough to do that.
So, I encourage you to search deep and find out what it is you've been holding yourself back from, and cut yourself some slack. Hold yourself to the same standards you set for others, because we often are much more difficult on ourselves, and that's not fair.
If you've made it this far with me, we're getting to the good part. I take photos of myself. It's not a narcissistic thing; it's a self-esteem builder. I can see carefully cropped & edited pictures of myself as beautiful, but it's the real stuff that I cringe & delete.
I took this, this morning, after just two weeks of making conscientiously better choices about how to treat my body. And I loved it. Enough to share. Not for attention, but for motivation. We are all on journies, & we are all beautiful.
I hope today you can see it in you, too.
I hope today you can see it in you, too.
