we have a major consent problem in our culture and it boils down to this prevailing sentiment: "it's better to ask forgiveness than permission."

growing up AMAB i can't tell you how many times i was told, "if you have to ask, the answer is no."

i've heard it described as "guess culture." a culture made entirely of innuendo and inference and apology.

it assumes a Good Person will always forgive the crossing of a "blurred line." if the victim is not forgiving, they're treated worse than the transgressor.

It’s both rude for victims to say “no,” and encouraged for perpetrators to proceed unless they hear a clear “no.”

And even then, if the “no,” is not “convincing,” it might not really be a “no.”

“Methinks the lady doth protest too much,” indeed.