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I have been thinking about all of these "good guys" and their apologies, Cole and Sykes and the rest.
And I'm not impressed. I think it's all part of the performance of being "a good feminist man."
And I'm not impressed. I think it's all part of the performance of being "a good feminist man."
We saw the same thing with Hugo Schwyzer (whose name I can never spell but a websearch for 'hugo feminist guy' always brings it up.)
Tearfully confessing one's past sins as a bad man before being truly born again as a feminist hero is a familiar narrative.
Tearfully confessing one's past sins as a bad man before being truly born again as a feminist hero is a familiar narrative.
These men are decent writers. Of course the apologies seem sincere. They express profound but vague remorse. They all include the requisite requests not to attack their victims or to defend them from their critics.
But they always hinge on the same abrogations of responsibility: I was drunk. I didn't know. That was before.
Alcohol doesn't make you assault people, disregard their consent or their feelings. It does not make you do anything.
Alcohol doesn't make you assault people, disregard their consent or their feelings. It does not make you do anything.
And the idea that these men had no idea their behavior was objectionable was even worse. "I have learned that I made people uncomfortable."
That's not the accusation. The accusations are specific and appalling. You just learned that women and enbies are human? At 42 years old?
That's not the accusation. The accusations are specific and appalling. You just learned that women and enbies are human? At 42 years old?
"I've changed."
I don't believe you.
But it's not role to forgive or to accept these apologies. And unless you're one of their victims, it isn't yours.
These men and men like them have driven marginalized people out of their industries.
I don't believe you.
But it's not role to forgive or to accept these apologies. And unless you're one of their victims, it isn't yours.
These men and men like them have driven marginalized people out of their industries.
And here they are taking up space with their apologetic soliloquies. "I'm such a good guy that I condemn even myself!"
They're not necessary. They're predators. And pretending to be harmless and wounded is classic predatory behavior.
They're not necessary. They're predators. And pretending to be harmless and wounded is classic predatory behavior.
This is not some arbitrary "cancel culture" for minor misbehaviors. It is not about "making someone uncomfortable." It's not an inappropriate joke in mixed company.
These men have admitted wrongdoing that was persistent and targeted.
These men have admitted wrongdoing that was persistent and targeted.
But suppose they're sincere. Suppose they've really just now learned that people who are not cis men are real humans with thoughts and feelings and worth.
Good for them! "Go forth and sin no more!"
Good for them! "Go forth and sin no more!"
They've already sold books and had success. They're not entitled to more. They're not entitled to trust.
No one is obligated to welcome them back into the community.
Consider welcoming a trans writer, a Black woman, or indigenous nonbinary person instead.
No one is obligated to welcome them back into the community.
Consider welcoming a trans writer, a Black woman, or indigenous nonbinary person instead.
