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Here is why you shouldn't reach out to people you believe you've hurt/victimized if you haven't spoken to them in a while/they are no longer in your life, written by me, a person who has been victimized and dreads being contacted by those people
1. If you've victimized them they're probably still dealing with the pain of what's been done to them. They're probably working--or have worked--to move past it. They're trying to deal w/the memories, even the trauma. You reappearing in their lives unannounced is not good
2. The apology is for you, not for them.
Even if you don't think this, even if you swear on 50000 bibles you're trying to make amends, your apology is to make you feel better. To make you feel like you've done something. To assuage your guilt.
Even if you don't think this, even if you swear on 50000 bibles you're trying to make amends, your apology is to make you feel better. To make you feel like you've done something. To assuage your guilt.
3. Your unannounced re-emergence into their lives makes them feel unsafe
I'm sure you've done lots of work to change for the better but that person knows you as someone who made them unsafe and when you reappear, that feeling of insecurity appears again too.
I'm sure you've done lots of work to change for the better but that person knows you as someone who made them unsafe and when you reappear, that feeling of insecurity appears again too.
4. You are still violating consent
You are inserting yourself back in this person's life without their permission. Even if you're doing so with the best of intentions it doesn't change the fact that you're taking away that person's choice
You are inserting yourself back in this person's life without their permission. Even if you're doing so with the best of intentions it doesn't change the fact that you're taking away that person's choice
Anyway. If you are serious about recognizing your past mistakes and changing your behavior, you need to understand why reaching out to people you hurt in the past whom you no longer speak to can be a bad, dangerous thing.
And that's that about that
And that's that about that
Ok sorry I ended this so abruptly but the things I've been tweeting about yesterday and today plus Twitter in general has been really....making me relive some shit that isn't good for me and I had to take a walk and feed some stray cats to get my mind back together
Anyway I'm already getting replies "what if-ing" me with ""hypothetical"" situations and I'm not interested.
Leave people alone. Your desire for forgiveness does not negate their desire for you to stay the hell away from them. Asking for forgiveness is not your right.
Leave people alone. Your desire for forgiveness does not negate their desire for you to stay the hell away from them. Asking for forgiveness is not your right.
And for those who are arguing that me saying by reaching out to your victims you're violating their ability to consent I'm therefore suggesting all communication violates consent.....stop reaching. Me posting here on Twitter means I accept I'm gonna get replies.
A person you're in contact with whether in a family/friend/work relationship context accepts they'll hear from you.
But a person who you hurt, who is no longer in your life? They do not accept that you'll reinsert yourself into their sphere with your apologies.
But a person who you hurt, who is no longer in your life? They do not accept that you'll reinsert yourself into their sphere with your apologies.
That's what I mean by consent.
If you are struggling with guilt, it's not the person you hurt's responsibility to help you get through it.
So please stop, I'm not interested in your "but what if!!!" situations.
If you are struggling with guilt, it's not the person you hurt's responsibility to help you get through it.
So please stop, I'm not interested in your "but what if!!!" situations.
Anyway if you think what I'm doing here is worthwhile please help me help cats: https://twitter.com/ellle_em/status/1259945800379117570?s=20
