Thread by @Col_Skidaddle, I think I've found out a little about the kind of friend [...]

I think I've found out a little about the kind of friend I am. (Thread)

Side note: this includes non-Twitter friends, some you'll never hear about.

I've already said before "I'm not number 1 in anyone's list of favorite people, but I'm in the conversation for everyone."

That still holds up, sometimes to a degree that just hurts. I'm not gonna pretend I never wanted to be someone's best friend. Maybe I was for some people, but those are long gone.

Either way, I've noticed something that's always been the case since I could remember.

I'm the person you'll never see on someone's TL. I'm the person who most others have no idea about (why do you think I'm still on a burner? It works). I'm someone where the other person's family might like me more than they do. In their social media, I'm almost invisible.

And yet they always care. Every time. They may never show it on their public pages, but they remind me about it privately. I'm not gonna see any sort of appreciation post about me any time soon, and at this point I don't expect it to happen for a long while.

But I know they really do appreciate me, value me, care about me. There's only one time where I was really on someone else's TL, and that was while I dated them. And yet, I almost don't need to be. It's not something I can really put into words. All I can say is it's conflicting.

And maybe there's a reason why all that happens. Perhaps I'm not as endearing as I'd like to be, maybe it's a case of circumstance (ik for a fact it is for at least one), maybe it's just a personal preference of theirs.

As I'm writing this, I remembered something else.

I've always been the one taking photos, rarely being in them.

Some of the best pictures that I have, I'd have to tell you I exist in them.

My trip to Boston is a quintessential example of this. In any sort of photo gallery for this, I am nowhere to be found. Yet...

All these are mine. I took em. You could actually identify me by these, people know that I took them.

I always was a documenter. Whether it was atrocious memory, a backup for others who wanted to remember them, or something else entirely, I always wanted to save it. If I had free reign to share anything I wanted to, I could show you how far that really goes.

But that doesn't really matter at this point. What does? Well, I started this thread talking about friends never showing me on their social media but always enjoying what I brought. I never said they don't save anything. I just do it to a greater extent.

Idk why it sometimes bothered me. If I had to guess, it felt like I kept getting forgotten. Like it was never worth remembering me specifically, just what went on in the day.

Maybe I never wanted to forget those I shared a great moment with.

Maybe it was so painful to feel forgotten that I never wanted them to feel that way? I never really posted anything but if we hung out that day I always would send whatever pics and vids I took.

I don't think it was as selfless as I would hope. (Yes ik I'm rambling, dont care)

I think it was just my trash memory. Over time I've learned how to make it work.

If I want to remember something, I need a primer. Something that reminds me of it. If I have that, then the amt of detail I can get is astounding.

I equate it to a waterfall: more detail gets uncovered the more I think about it. I know I intentionally warp thoughts to make a "better" scenario, but if I want to be truthful, I can be scarily good at it.

Well this has been an interesting thread. From what kind of friend I am to how my mind works and why I do what I do.

Too bad sleep ain't happening lmao

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