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What I've learned is something that I've always known: the sexualization of women is so ingrained in men's culture & their concept of socialization that many cannot function in the presence of/regarding women without seeing them as objects or allowing others to treat them as such
The complicitness of men as bystanders to assault/harassment is as harmful as the acts. The more men protect their/others' perception of manliness or place among other men by not violating "bro code" over the literal violation of women, the more men will violate women.
Men harass/assault women when they know they can get away with it. When they know their friends will pass it off as banter or their peers will blame the victim for how they invited it or their jobs will look the other way. They know their culture & environments will protect them.
Men need to normalize sexual harassment/assault as reprehensible. They need to see it like everyone sees shitting in public: Who the fuck does that? They need to condition themselves to see it as vile because when they don't the industries they dominate dont see it as vile either
For every time a man decided to look away, to laugh, to close the door, to ignore, a woman had to carry what happened after with her forever. She'll think about it far more than he will. At most he'll feel uncomfortable about it when she finally finds the strength to speak up.
There was a time when I had a lot/mostly guy friends. It was time spent deflecting a lot of persistent, unwanted, "flirty" banter, of feeling pressured into sexual discussions or acts, of my role as a sexual punching bag, and me seeing it as normal. That started when I was 11.
Men want to cry Not All Men like not having personally abused or assaulted a woman means they don't play a role in a gender culture that has normalized and encouraged seeing women as objects. If any man has thrived in that space, then he needs to do some hard, honest reflection.
You're not one of the good ones if you've allowed a bad one to do bad.
Also: I'm focusing my words on men and the toxicity of men's culture and men as complicit allies. Other people are speaking way more eloquently about the intersection of whiteness, positions of power, other genders, etc. and those perspectives are just as important.
