I’ve been reflecting on where I was 5 years ago in court, and where I am now and the progress that’s been made in that time. Justice if you got it felt minimal. I remember feeling guttered listing as the years (served concurrently) were read out.

I was in a room with a worker from the court, the prosecutor and the amazing police woman who brought him to justice came in and sat with me after while his family left the court precinct. I was broken, unwell and deflated. They could see this, I’m sure they felt the same.

They offered these words “a result is a result, it’s still a win” as more often than not these men get away with rape. Rape in a marriage is complex for people to understand. All of us in that room understood though. But it was still a win and for that I’m grateful.

There is no perfect sentence length that gives you back what they took. In this case what my husband took. What he took away from me, his wife who he felt he owned, his disabled wife who relied on him for care. The case set a President for future cases in Victoria.

It’s hard some days to sit with all of this. The aftermath is complex, and some of my darkest days came during this time. It’s lonely, I went to court alone only to find his whole family were there. They heard every charge and all it’s details. I heard him refuse to say guilty.

He said “but I have to plead guilty” to which the judge responded with it’s simply guilty or not guilty, no other words. He didn’t want even want to be made to say the words GUILTY. This has stuck with me to this day, but he didn’t break me. No matter his lack of remorse.

Rape in marriage is still an uncomfortable topic. Rape of disabled women by carers is still hardly talked about. I ask you this, WHY? If it was a stranger, or able would the sentence have been different? Did the intersection of husband and carer play a roll?

What we need to do in this country is start calling #MeToo on our patriarchal court systems, laws, magistrates and judges. While I had a judge who was sympathetic and respectful towards me, he’s still bound by the structures of the court system he has to work within.

Just ask @PhilCleary_Ind and the injustice women were subjected to via the old provocation laws, that were still in use in 2004. We’ve come so far, but we’ve still got along way to go.