Why is it when people don’t understand something, they automatically assume the other person is dumb or wrong, especially when the more informed person is younger and/or a woman?

People don’t stop to consider that maybe they’re just confused, that they lack exposure from having been sheltered, that they have a lot of unlearning and relearning to do.

This happens when I talk to white folks about race, but also when I talk to Black men about gender and LGBTQ+ issues. There’s almost a paranoia men have of facts that disprove heterosexual/masculine supremacy or unsurp patriarchy.

And too often, these men give clever rebuttals they assume will stump queer people and women, as if our opinions aren’t well-informed, and haven’t been formed over many years of engaging with feminist/gender & sexuality studies.

For years, I’ve studied the work of feminist documentarians and filmmakers, legislators, journalists, poets, researchers, scholars, etc. around the globe––from Brazil to Nigeria to India to Palestine to Barbados.

I understand your ego feels attacked by the suggestion that femininity isn’t inferior to masculinity, but your cursory Wikipedia search doesn’t even hold a candle to the years of contemplation, conversation, reading, reflection, research, etc. that I’ve done around this topic.

Fellas, it's OK to say, "You know what, I actually don't know enough about that to speak on it. It seems like I might have some blindspots or gaps in learning. Can you help me understand, since you're probably more well-versed in this topic?"

Please stop embarrassing yourself.

Men will tell you to "listen", and to "know when to speak and when to be quiet"---as if they're enlightened---but then turn around and speak very assertively and authoritatively on topics they just discovered yesterday.