I've seen two SF/F authors called out for creeper behavior recently. Both have talked about how they consider (or considered) themselves to be Nice Guys. Both of whom have been defended because they're Nice Guys.

I'm reminded of my son's fifth grade teacher. He was such a good teacher - we all really liked him, and he went above and beyond to help our son.

He's now in prison for molesting kids.

He never touched my son. And I believe that, to a lot of kids & families, he was a Nice Guy.

Just because you didn't see a behavior doesn't mean it didn't happen.

When multiple people start coming forward to describe creepy or predatory behavior, it's time to listen. Even if you didn't see it. Even if they're accusing your friend, a certified Nice Guy.

And guys, we've got to do a better job policing ourselves. You might tell yourself you're just flirting, and it's completely harmless and innocent. But have you considered...

-Do you have power/leverage over the other person? (Physically, professionally, etc)

-Are they in a position where they can safely and comfortably say no? (Example: a waitress is expected to be friendly--she's basically trapped.)

-Are you in a professional setting?

-Have they said no?

-Better yet, have they actively said yes and indicated that your attention is welcome?

Because there are a ton of reasons women might be reluctant to flat-out say no. That's when guys tend to get nastier and more violent.

-Do you expect to be rewarded for being a Nice Guy? Are you using the phrase "friend zone" unironically?

As someone once said, women are not machines that you put niceness coins into until sex comes out.

You might think you're the nicest guy in the world, but if you haven't thought about this stuff, you've probably put women in very awkward, uncomfortable, painful, and even frightening positions.

It's something I've been thinking about a bit this year. Though it doesn't quite feel real yet, I'm single again. And, being human, there's a good chance I'll find myself attracted to someone one of these days.

I'm also moderately well known in SF/F, with decent connections.

Now, I know that 1) I really don't have much power or influence to hurt someone's career, and 2) I would never try to use that minimal power for smooches or whatever.

But if I'm talking to a newer writer, they won't know that. There's a power imbalance. And that's problematic.

Stop making excuses. Stop pretending it's harmless. Stop letting inappropriate behavior slide because it's a friend, or because you know they don't mean anything by it, or they're "socially awkward," or whatever the excuse of the week is.

And if you blame it on autism, I swear I will reach through this screen and strangle you with your own nose hairs.

There's so much more I could get into, but a lot of it comes down to us as guys needing to actually think about this stuff. And for god's sake, *listen* to what all of these women are saying about feeling unsafe, about the way they're treated.