Read on Twitter
I've seen some people wondering if they're reply-guys.
I did a thread a while back on parasocial, boundary-pushing tweets from creators and fans. In case useful, re-posting some of my miscellaneous thoughts below if you're questioning the way you behave on this platform:
I did a thread a while back on parasocial, boundary-pushing tweets from creators and fans. In case useful, re-posting some of my miscellaneous thoughts below if you're questioning the way you behave on this platform:
1) If you spam all creators on Twitter with very short non-meaningful replies and either overly familiar *hug* replies or edgy jokey replies, people may know you primarily as a spammer.
If you're a cis guy doing so exclusively to women/AFABs? Question your motives. Back off.
If you're a cis guy doing so exclusively to women/AFABs? Question your motives. Back off.
2) When you reply to a tweet, you are making a public contribution to someone's Twitter presence. Read the room about how they interact with others. If your intent is sincere, get a sense of what they are comfortable with. As with most good in-person interactions with someone new
3) It is tough starting out & seeing other pros being friendly. The secret is, many of them built up over time online or usually in person. You can't expect similar friendship all in one go. And someone with 100k followers is not your friend automatically? No-one owes you that
4) On another end of the spectrum, intent like edgy or sarcastic humour replies may come across weirdly or aggressively online. I've seen some absurd stuff posted in response to serious topics from people trying to impress others with their wit. You. Don't. Know. Strangers!
5) If you repeatedly get negative replies based on your joke reply tweets or unsolicited hugs then I have no idea why you would persist with that style. You are most likely creeping people out. Re- evaluate what you are trying to do.
6) Just so people don't get paranoid: thoughts on a topic or personal reflections (as long as they are not insulting or aggressive) are usually fine as replies; well done and congrats etc = lovely; debate if invited/polite, great. Ask others for opinions privately if worried.
7) If you're sincere in your concern for others and wanting to help, if they ignore messages or you're coming on too strong, then LISTEN. If you actually care, you'll help only where wanted, you'll allow boundaries. Reaching out = sometimes not helpful, so listen, don't persist
8) Have that filter regarding negative, edgy, jokey, or overfamiliar messages. Err towards helpfulness & backing other peers/meaningful engagement. Actually -do- something, share creative work, respond to people who are actually responding to you. It can take time so allow time.
9) These thoughts are ultimately just my own, however, and different people on Twitter may have very different boundaries and wishes to my own. This is therefore the key point of all this advice:
10) If you're sincere, pay attention to how the person you want to talk to talks and responds and acts throughout their tweets, and fit the needs of the person you are trying to talk to (in a non-overly-familiar friendly polite way!), rather than forcing them to fit you.
11) I've definitely reached out in the past to see if people are OK, sometimes who I didn't know very well. Sometimes, this was not what people needed. It's OK to make mistakes in this regard -- you'll learn/recalibrate. What's not OK? Keeping on doing it to hundreds of people.
Useful additional thoughts from @sarahlongthorne: https://twitter.com/sarahlongthorne/status/1275916905962930177
