Related: If you, as a guy, want to say to women in your field "If you're being harassed, come talk to me and I will offer cover!" that is super well intentioned but also kind of dumb.

Take it as learning opportunity.

(And I say this as someone who had that instinct)

And if it bugs you that this is true (it should) then probably focus on making sure you're someone the people who *do* know you feel they can rely on in these situations.

Ok, recognizing that twitter is no place for subtext, I'm going to be uncharacteristically blunt - apologies to all those for whom this is old news.

If you are a stranger, there is no reason a woman should trust you in a fraught situation.

She has no magical way to tell if you're "One of the good ones".

This can feel unfair. Like you are being judged, and that you deserve the benefit of the doubt.

Those are real feelings, but bullshit reasoning. They prioritize how YOU feel over someone else's *safety*.

But as I said, they are real feelings and feelings are powerful, and this is why this is a genuine learning opportunity.

For a lot of "nice guys", their self perception as "one of the good ones" can lead to them protecting that self image at the cost of others.

So feel those feelings, but then consider where you direct your frustration.

If you are mad at the women for not trusting you, you are perpetuating the problem and missing the target.

If you are mad at the system that perpetuates man on woman abuse to such an extent as to make it a norm, and frustrated in the role that forces you into?

You're more on track.

And it that leads to consider the possibility that men might benefit from feminism too, well, that's just a bonus.

Again, apologies to all the grandmas I'm telling to go suck eggs, but every now and again I need to say the things 20 year old me needed to hear, and that guy was a good hearted dumbass.