I’ve never spoken about this because I was made to feel as though I couldn’t tell my story without being derided by the general public.

I feel safe now, and I also feel the need to unload some things that have haunted me during my brief stint in the industry.

Following the whirlwind news cycle when the virality of the hijab video was at its peak, Bang Bros executive Jordan Sibbs told me his girlfriend’s relative was in town, a photographer for Vogue magazine.

He told me I’d have the opportunity to be featured in mainstream publications and could really validate myself if I worked with this photographer.

My eyes lit up, I was honored & excited, I thought maybe this terrible situation I’m in could be parlayed into something positive.

The photographers name, I believe, was Christian. I arrived at Bang Bros office HQ not knowing what to expect from a “real photographer,” thinking we would be going to a beautiful set or location.

From the moment I was told there was no hair and makeup I knew something was off, but I was conflicted. I had never been on a “real” set, and I didn’t want to inadvertently insult the photographer or his process, because WHAT IF IT WAS GOING IN VOGUE!

I was taken to roof of the building (industrial and barely accessible) ALONE with him. I was handed a hijab, & two replica semi-automatic rifles. Following his orders, I put it on and posed for the photos the way he wanted, while he made physical corrections on my body.

His posing orders quickly scaled from provocative to salacious, but again, I was too afraid to say anything. “What if it IS for Vogue? What if he gets mad? What if he pushes you off the roof?” Was the chorus in my head. I didn’t know this man, and I was scared to my core.

After he got the shots he wanted in the hijab, I thought we were done, so I started walking away to find my way back into the building, but he insisted the lighting was ideal for a few more shots he had in mind.

He told me to take the hijab and my underwear off and to pose against a wall. My heart began to palpatate. I know it might be easy for you to say “you had sex on camera, what’s the big deal?” But you need to understand the level of fear a woman has when she feels powerless.

I dissociated. Instantly. I was fucking terrified. I felt cheap and used, powerless and demeaned.

When I wasn’t posing to his liking, he would physically correct me and contort my body until he was satisfied. I wanted to scream and cry and to claw his face off with my bare hands all at the same time.

The worst part of it was when he moved his hands over my breasts telling me how nice they were. I still feel the cold metal from his rings in a shiver down my spine.

It is important to note that this man, to me, was sexually ambiguous. To this day, I do not know if he was gay, straight, or on any range of the sexuality spectrum. I have no idea. And it’s not important to me. I have been haunted by this for 6 long years.

My conclusion (after tons of therapy), is that it would not have mattered if this man was straight, gay, or even a female. I would have felt JUST as unsafe were it a woman in his place. The part of this whole thing that utterly crushes me, was the indignity of it.

I was too young to realize at the time, but these men, all of them, collectively and consciously chose to deceive me. Jordan Sibbs, the Photogralher, other executives at Bang Bros, are all complicit. And I know for a fact they are because...

Weeks later, those photos ended up being used on the website BangBros created under my name. Which I owned the domain for before they, again, deceived me into selling to them for $1.

I was a pawn to them, they never saw me as a human being with a soul and a future. They trafficked me into the hands of this man with no supervision or regards for my safety. I was not paid for that shoot. I was not informed what it would be used for. I had no control.

For all I know, this photographer could’ve actually worked for Vogue. In which case, shame on him for abusing those credentials to explicitly photograph someone clearly in the throes of a crisis while the world ridiculed and watched, and these men capitalized on it.