The problem with so many discussions about systemic oppression — racism, sexism, transphobia, ableism, etc — is that a lot of us want to reduce it to a question of whether we, personally, are good people.

This is where a lot of discussions of racist behavior have traditionally gotten derailed — the old “I have a Black friend, ergo I cannot be a racist!” framing — but it also crops up in discussions of other oppressions as well (it comes up *a lot* in discussions of sexual abuse).

But, number one, not only is no person wholly good or wholly bad, there’s also the fact that systemic oppression is not about “good people” and “bad people.” It’s about *systems*, as the name makes clear.

The question isn’t “Are you a good person or a bad person?”

It’s “In this moment, are your actions upholding oppression or dismantling it?”

If someone points out that, in a particular moment, your actions are contributing to the upholding of oppression, that’s not inherently an assessment of your character or who you are as a person. It’s a judgment of your actions in a moment in time.

And here’s the thing about that: all you have to do is act differently in the next moment in time.

You can start by saying something like, “Hey, thank you for pointing out that my actions were harmful. I didn’t realize that but will be more mindful going forward.”