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It’s hard for me to even feel anything about it anymore. It never surprises me when a man is outed as a harasser. Every man I know and love has the potential to be a secret shitbag, and statistically, some of them probably are. I want to be louder about this but I’m just tired
a couple years ago I got really into this dude, and after I hung up the phone at the end of a particularly intense call, I said out loud to myself and the dog, “wow! this is amazing! I hope he’s not an asshole!”
well, reader,
well, reader,
that’s the BASELINE now. “I hope he’s not an asshole!” hope my fun new D&D buddies aren’t assholes! hope that quirky new twitter mutual isn’t an asshole! hope the dude I’m marrying isn’t an asshole!! there’s no way to know, guess we’ll find out!!
all your faves are problematic. your faves in your actual life, and your favorite creators and role models. yes, that one. YES. EVEN HIM. you have to prepare for disappointment. because, much like the next object that strikes Earth: it’s not a matter of “if,” just when & how big
if you’re a man in my life, I want you to know that I have had a conversation with myself about how I’m going to react if and when I find out you—yep, you specifically—are abusive. yes. you. yep. I’m sorry. it’s true. sit with that for a little bit.
who am I prepared to cut off immediately? who gets the benefit of a Conversation or a second chance? how bad will the offense have to be? who will deserve my forgiveness and who deserves to be fired into the sun? who will disappoint me the most? who absolutely won’t surprise me?
all these questions and more are yours, men in my life, whom I love but can never fully trust. that should be in the back of your head all the time now, because I assure you, it’s right at the fore of mine
