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If you believed in their potential, you wouldn’t act the fool, because you’d think that someday they might have power over you
Editorial, artistic, social, collaborative power? You’re telling them you’re confident they’ll never have it. Their only value to you is in a hotel room https://twitter.com/catvalente/status/1275797575250202624
Editorial, artistic, social, collaborative power? You’re telling them you’re confident they’ll never have it. Their only value to you is in a hotel room https://twitter.com/catvalente/status/1275797575250202624
You know how I know this is true?
Because all this shit immediately stopped happening to me the minute I was somebody.
Successful people are calculating. Don’t let them pretend they don’t know when & where & with whom they can get away with bad behavior.
Because all this shit immediately stopped happening to me the minute I was somebody.
Successful people are calculating. Don’t let them pretend they don’t know when & where & with whom they can get away with bad behavior.
Conventions & convention bars are professional networking spaces for writers & artists
By sexualizing that space, you’re taking opportunities away from people who could be spending time with someone who values their work & not the use of their bodies for your temporary amusement
By sexualizing that space, you’re taking opportunities away from people who could be spending time with someone who values their work & not the use of their bodies for your temporary amusement
By turning a convention bar into a meat market, you’re communicating that this is not, or at least is no longer, a professional space for the person you’re hitting on
The more aggressive you are, the more you express your power over that space, over that person’s work experience
The more aggressive you are, the more you express your power over that space, over that person’s work experience
This is part of why it’s so awful to experience this from artists we admire.
Not because being hit on is inherently bad.
Because we came to work, they came to fuck, & they’re confident we’ll never be in a position where anyone will listen to us. They make us small.
Not because being hit on is inherently bad.
Because we came to work, they came to fuck, & they’re confident we’ll never be in a position where anyone will listen to us. They make us small.
I’ve seen men exclusively engage with young, attractive women at cons, making it clear they only want to experience that metric of their personal success
& I’ve seen them engage exclusively with other men, because they assume any given woman is not their colleague
BOTH SUCK ASS
& I’ve seen them engage exclusively with other men, because they assume any given woman is not their colleague
BOTH SUCK ASS
Have cons pretty much always been like this?
Yes. Ask literally ANYONE about Asimov & Heinlein and the good old days & you will hear stories that will turn your hair white...
...if you’re the kind of person this happens to, not the kind of person who does it.
Yes. Ask literally ANYONE about Asimov & Heinlein and the good old days & you will hear stories that will turn your hair white...
...if you’re the kind of person this happens to, not the kind of person who does it.
But it turns out, you know, a lot of people never liked being grabbed all the time, no matter who was doing the grabbing. Just because they had to smile & be polite doesn’t mean we were all water brothers.
It means these men never had to grok anyone’s perspective but their own.
It means these men never had to grok anyone’s perspective but their own.
The fact is, y’all need The Good Place.
Other human beings aren’t tools to be used for your pleasure, your ego, or the fulfillment of your id.
They’re human beings. Trying to work. Trying to live. Trying to get through their career with dignity intact.
Stop pawing them.
Other human beings aren’t tools to be used for your pleasure, your ego, or the fulfillment of your id.
They’re human beings. Trying to work. Trying to live. Trying to get through their career with dignity intact.
Stop pawing them.
And no, alcohol does not constitute an excuse.
First, I’ve drunk /hard/ with a lot of douchebags & not one of them would treat their agent or editor the way they might treat a woman they thought didn’t matter, no matter how many shots down the well they got.
First, I’ve drunk /hard/ with a lot of douchebags & not one of them would treat their agent or editor the way they might treat a woman they thought didn’t matter, no matter how many shots down the well they got.
Second, don’t drink like you’re trying to put Mad Men in a nunnery if you can’t make good choices after a few
Alcohol doesn’t make you a different person. It eases inhibitions
If who you are without inhibitions isn’t ready for prime time, don’t get drunk at work
Cons are work.
Alcohol doesn’t make you a different person. It eases inhibitions
If who you are without inhibitions isn’t ready for prime time, don’t get drunk at work
Cons are work.
There’s been a mess of revelations about very beloved artists lately, & I’m already starting to see I GUESS NO ONE CAN HAVE FUN ANYMORE bullshit
Look. Real simple.
If you can’t have fun without trying to bang people you have power over, you’re an asshole & you don’t deserve fun
Look. Real simple.
If you can’t have fun without trying to bang people you have power over, you’re an asshole & you don’t deserve fun
You have no right to take time, energy, space, safety, & confidence away from new folk in your world by reducing them to sex toys you feel entitled to by virtue of having sold a few books
Maybe stop worrying about whether you’re having fun & start wondering if they’re having fun
Maybe stop worrying about whether you’re having fun & start wondering if they’re having fun
In the midst of these accusations I think so often about the part of @Hannahgadsby ‘s Nanette where she talks about Picasso sleeping w/ a 17 year old girl because they’re both “in their prime”, the assumption that she could never do anything as important as him, as his reputation
That’s what’s happening with these older successful men, especially the ones we’re eager to forgive & defend
They assumed the young women they preyed on could never be as important as them. That they were nothing. Something to be consumed.
That their reputation was all powerful
They assumed the young women they preyed on could never be as important as them. That they were nothing. Something to be consumed.
That their reputation was all powerful
And you know, it may be true.
It’s very easy to cancel someone we don’t know well with only a few books out. But as we’ve seen with #metoo
, most men with real status, connections, & beloved work will probably survive just fine. People will move on.
Except the people they hurt
It’s very easy to cancel someone we don’t know well with only a few books out. But as we’ve seen with #metoo
, most men with real status, connections, & beloved work will probably survive just fine. People will move on.Except the people they hurt
Art, theater, literature, comedy, these are not worlds without boundaries or respect.
Just because freelancers don’t have an HR rep doesn’t mean it’s a dick free-for-all.
Forever was a really good run for guys getting to think they’re good people while abusing women. Stop now.
Just because freelancers don’t have an HR rep doesn’t mean it’s a dick free-for-all.
Forever was a really good run for guys getting to think they’re good people while abusing women. Stop now.
