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My Glastonbury Story
I went to Glastonbury in 2000 with what can only be described as a bitch. She was recently divorced and she knew her ex husband would be at Glasto so she spent the majority of the time looking for him, it was like being with a meerkat.
My step brothers
I went to Glastonbury in 2000 with what can only be described as a bitch. She was recently divorced and she knew her ex husband would be at Glasto so she spent the majority of the time looking for him, it was like being with a meerkat.
My step brothers
were also there and we met up and went to the stone circle. On the way we were chatting and while my brother was holding a giant candle, the person who was in front of us stopped suddenly, so we also stopped and chatted some more, that's when the smell of smoke appeared. It
seemed we'd accidentally set the person in front of us on fire. His coat was burning so we quickly threw the candle away and started hitting him to put the fire out. This person now thought he was being attacked and started hitting us back, we were saying 'Someone's set you on
fire!' And pointed off in the direction of this imaginary persons escape. He thanked us very kindly and disappeared into the crowd, throwing his coat in a bin as he went.
At the stone circle we sat and had a smoke, The Chemical Brothers were playing and we could hear them below
At the stone circle we sat and had a smoke, The Chemical Brothers were playing and we could hear them below
there was a man silhouetted against the lights of Glastonbury and I thought I'd go and say hello. I stood next to him for a while and said, 'Great light show isn't it.' He turned to me slowly and stared at me with eyes as big as a Slow Loris and said, 'You can see them too?'
I said 'yeah.'
He said, 'I've made them come on with my mind. I knew if I stared long enough they'd come on.'
I left him to it. That night there was a knock on our tent. Two lads were stood there, one said, 'have you seen our tent?'
'No', I said. 'Where did you see it last?'
He said, 'I've made them come on with my mind. I knew if I stared long enough they'd come on.'
I left him to it. That night there was a knock on our tent. Two lads were stood there, one said, 'have you seen our tent?'
'No', I said. 'Where did you see it last?'
'On the ground,' he said.
'What colour is it?' I said.
'Black.'
I looked out, more or less every tent was black from here to the horizon. I pointed in no particular direction and said, 'I think I saw it going over there.'
'Thanks mate', he said and they both wandered off
'What colour is it?' I said.
'Black.'
I looked out, more or less every tent was black from here to the horizon. I pointed in no particular direction and said, 'I think I saw it going over there.'
'Thanks mate', he said and they both wandered off
in the opposite direction to the one I pointed.
The Happy Mondays played on the last night. They sang Kinky Afro and all of a sudden Shaun Ryder started saying, 'you're going too fast you fucker!' He was talking to the band, 'you're going too fucking fast!' Bez who was wearing
The Happy Mondays played on the last night. They sang Kinky Afro and all of a sudden Shaun Ryder started saying, 'you're going too fast you fucker!' He was talking to the band, 'you're going too fucking fast!' Bez who was wearing
a fluffy hat and a locked off facial expression was doing his usual dance when all of a sudden a completely naked woman jumped on the stage and danced with him. Bez was oblivious to this for a moment, he then spotted her, gave a little yelp and ran off the stage. It was at
this point the drummer got up and walked off and all the music stopped. Shaun Ryder said, 'Talk amongst yourselves he's just gone for a piss.' We all stood in more or less silence and waited for him to pee and then come back on stage. They just went into Hallelujah until
Shaun again, 'you're too fast. What's the fuckin' point? You're fuckin' tempo's wrong. Fuck it!' At this point he dropped the mic and walked off. The rest of the band then just fizzled away leaving Bez with eyes like UFO's wondering what we were all staring at.
A man next to me leaned over and said, 'You will never see anything like that again.'
I agreed.
The girl I was with then said, 'let's leave.'
'Are you kidding?' I said. 'David Bowie's about to come on.'
'I'm not interested,' she said.
'It's the only fucking reason I came here.'
I agreed.
The girl I was with then said, 'let's leave.'
'Are you kidding?' I said. 'David Bowie's about to come on.'
'I'm not interested,' she said.
'It's the only fucking reason I came here.'
'Stay then,' she said and disappeared with her mates. I never saw her again but I did see David Bowie live so it wasn't a complete right off. This is my one and only experience of Glastonbury, I won't be repeating it, but that's not a bad thing.
Happy 50th birthday Glastonbury
Happy 50th birthday Glastonbury
