None of this torrent of horrors looks like they even enjoy a pub. Johnson is a large glad of free red at an ambassadorial reception. Raab is five points at the rugby club before stopping for kebabs & racially abusing the owner. Hancock is behind him repeating his jokes...

Patel complains about work drinks in the pub "Can't we go somewhere nice this time?" Sunak's the only one who looks like he might be decent company, although he's in the kettle shop. At least you felt Cameron knew his way around a country pub, if only as a child depository.

Gove is sipping white having done a speech at an Oxbridge college before getting arseholed on cider in the college bar and having to be escorted off by the porter.

Rees-Mogg treats each trip to the bar as if it's a day out to the most fabulous sweet shop. Having first rejected whatever bottle of port they've got with a devastated "oh no" he's now saying things like "And what's the difference between WKD Blue a Hooch?"

Grant Shapps spends the whole time grinning stupidly that he's allowed out in public with people. Every time he's offered a drink he says "Just a half, please - THE TOP HALF!" before having to clarify that he actually does want a whole pint.

Gavin Williamson's in a gilet and tells everyone not to worry, he'll get them in, he's pretty good friends with the barman. He then asks the staff if Colin is in today. He learns Colin died of a myocardial infarction in 2012.