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We aren't really going to see a dent in this issue until white people actually expand there network. Many white people don't actually know any Black people well enough to recommend. https://twitter.com/fox/status/1275616224924188672
On a related note, stop trying to force friendships with Black people. It's not something to check off a list. You're gonna have to put in the work to build real relationships with people who are wary of you, and for good reason.
I hope more Black people are learning how to navigate these relationships as well. White people are awkward at best and dangerous at worst. We all understand that. But you still have to be where the opportunities are. And white people will almost always be there.
I hear you. Me and @operaqueenie have been talking about this a lot lately. Some of us need to learn to be a bit more transactional. It doesn't have to be bad if it's mutually beneficial. And the reality is that IS how some people form relationships. https://twitter.com/jackyalcine/status/1275649820062109697?s=19
I want to talk about this a bit more, because it was a huge lesson for me. People from different backgrounds are going to form relationships differently. That's true in a professional capacity just like it is in social and intimate settings.
I struggled for a while with the transactional nature of some professional relationships. I still do tbh. But the important lesson for me was accepting that it's not all "fake". Some people view professional courtesies and aid as legitimate trust building exercises.
I would have people reach out and ask me for intros or recommendations or free advice. I know a lot of people react negatively because of the time commitment. I'm my case, it was a bit different. I'm pretty lazy for one. But more so, I didn't really think I had much to offer.
I had to build a few new skills here.
1) Figure out what I could actually do for somebody. Even if something felt small or unimportant to me, it mattered to somebody else.
I learned what things I truly didn't mind doing for others because it cost me nothing.
1) Figure out what I could actually do for somebody. Even if something felt small or unimportant to me, it mattered to somebody else.
I learned what things I truly didn't mind doing for others because it cost me nothing.
2) Learn to recognize opportunities to help other people. Sometimes they ask directly, but a lot of times they don't. People are sharing what's going on with them, and you see an opportunity to offer some help.
People who hate "chit-chat" have a hard time with this. It matters.
People who hate "chit-chat" have a hard time with this. It matters.
3) I had to learn to accept professional courtesies from others without assuming that made me beholden to them. I believe heavily in reciprocity. So it was difficult for me to lean into relationships where that wasn't always a base expectation.
I have a hard time asking for things I need, as well as accepting help as offered. Part of that is because I can't always promise reciprocity. I realized I would say no to some offers because I didn't want to feel like I *had* to respond if that person asked me for something.
It took a long time for me to accept that saying "no" to a request after somebody had helped me out in the past was *not* always a completely fucked up thing to do. You still get to set boundaries. You still get to decide what you offer in return.
(Sometimes it is fucked up. Context always matters. You can't make a habit of letting people down.)
My point is it took me a long time to learn how to maintain "loose" professional connections with people. And to accept that it was okay to do so. You have to show people that you give a shit about what happens to them in their career. So they will give a shit about yours.
And to close the loop on the original context, one thing experience has taught me is that a lot of white men do this for each other *constantly*. It is a part of their professional culture. A lot of them are kind of confused about how everybody else does it.
Maintaining a strong professional network is exhausting for someone like me. I like a lot of people, but I find it difficult to maintain that much correspondence. Still, doing so has helped my career immeasurably. Especially since I decided to be militant af at the same time. 
