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I'm a man who has worked in the game industry for 20+ years. I try, scrupulously, to be a positive influence.
But I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not perfect. If we, as men, want to improve the industry, we must be honest.
Men wield a massive amount of power in games...
But I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not perfect. If we, as men, want to improve the industry, we must be honest.
Men wield a massive amount of power in games...
I’m the CEO of a major company. @jdariani teases me, saying “they seek an audience with THE OMEED,” as if I am the great and powerful Oz.
She’s not far off. I have a dumb amount of power. And so do many men.
You don't have to be THE OMEED to make or break people.
She’s not far off. I have a dumb amount of power. And so do many men.
You don't have to be THE OMEED to make or break people.
So look. I have tried to be good to the women I know in the industry. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that women are sick to death of people like me holding ourselves up as paragons when we’re not.
We need to be honest about what we are… and what we are not.
We need to be honest about what we are… and what we are not.
I have made women uncomfortable, even though I wasn’t trying to. Several years ago, when I was working at a major publisher, I received a sexual harassment complaint from our HR. I was blindsided.
They called me in to talk about it. I had no idea what they were talking about...
They called me in to talk about it. I had no idea what they were talking about...
As the two ladies in HR asked me increasingly detailed questions, they realized I was clueless. They explained it in detail and I INSTANTLY knew the situation, who was there, what I said, etc.
I had known everyone in the conversation for years, except the person who complained.
I had known everyone in the conversation for years, except the person who complained.
I was dismissive. I thought I made a couple harmless sexual jokes to a group of my friends and colleagues.
But the jokes weren’t harmless to her. I hadn’t just made her uncomfortable – I had exacerbated her discomfort at a massive power imbalance that I couldn’t even see.
But the jokes weren’t harmless to her. I hadn’t just made her uncomfortable – I had exacerbated her discomfort at a massive power imbalance that I couldn’t even see.
From my perspective, she was one of my ten wonderful new employees.
From her perspective, I was a dangerous, unpredictable threat that could ruin her life.
Seriously, a few weeks before, my boss told me to just fire any of my new employees that I needed to, no questions asked.
From her perspective, I was a dangerous, unpredictable threat that could ruin her life.
Seriously, a few weeks before, my boss told me to just fire any of my new employees that I needed to, no questions asked.
I had a lot of power and she had none. She couldn't just tell me “hey, not cool bro.” She had to file a complaint.
There was no way for her to know, but I 100% would have listened to her and supported her if she told me.
But I understand why she didn’t. That’s a huge risk.
There was no way for her to know, but I 100% would have listened to her and supported her if she told me.
But I understand why she didn’t. That’s a huge risk.
I’m sure she wasn’t the only woman I’ve ever made uncomfortable.
I will give unfiltered advice on most topics. There are hard truths about race, gender and sexuality in our industry.
I’ve seen them all and may not always discuss them tactfully after a couple of drinks.
I will give unfiltered advice on most topics. There are hard truths about race, gender and sexuality in our industry.
I’ve seen them all and may not always discuss them tactfully after a couple of drinks.
If I have ever made you feel uncomfortable or I’ve treated you unfairly, I won’t be mad if you say something. I welcome the chance to discuss it in public or private. I only hope that discussing it will bring you peace.
None of us are perfect and none of us should pretend to be.
None of us are perfect and none of us should pretend to be.
I try to spend extra time and lend my expertise to underrepresented groups. Women, POC and LGBTQIA+ content creators can always count on me spending some extra time with them.
It’s not about protecting people in a bar – it’s about building a safer environment for everyone.
It’s not about protecting people in a bar – it’s about building a safer environment for everyone.
You don’t help anyone by pretending to be an unimpeachable hero.
If you want to help women, learn from my mistakes. Understand that you – and your peers – have far more power than you realize.
Understand what that means to someone just trying to get in the door.
If you want to help women, learn from my mistakes. Understand that you – and your peers – have far more power than you realize.
Understand what that means to someone just trying to get in the door.
Understand that your intentions and results may feel different. Realize that where you have normal interactions, a woman is often engaged in pitched battles ranging from “trying to be taken seriously” to “trying not to get raped.”
You have a drink. She tries not to get raped.
You have a drink. She tries not to get raped.
As a man, this can feel like a minefield. It does to me.
Realize part of being a man is that you are given HELLA benefit of the doubt. Also, a single mistake may not be the end of your career.
People forgive when the offense is mild and it's clear that it won't be repeated.
Realize part of being a man is that you are given HELLA benefit of the doubt. Also, a single mistake may not be the end of your career.
People forgive when the offense is mild and it's clear that it won't be repeated.
I know this is hard. Here is my best advice:
1) Stop trying to sleep with your colleagues. This will solve all of your problems.
2) Do not use your power to give unearned gifts. That sets up an obligation.
3) The more powerful you are, the more respectful you must be of people.
1) Stop trying to sleep with your colleagues. This will solve all of your problems.
2) Do not use your power to give unearned gifts. That sets up an obligation.
3) The more powerful you are, the more respectful you must be of people.
Most important: be honest, introspective and self-critical.
Believe women, because they gain nothing sharing their stories. They risk tons.
It’s not like they have any reason to think the world that assaulted them will suddenly make amends.
They are our sisters. Our sisters.
Believe women, because they gain nothing sharing their stories. They risk tons.
It’s not like they have any reason to think the world that assaulted them will suddenly make amends.
They are our sisters. Our sisters.
