1) I was in a cult from 1984-7. One the main questions people ask is “was it a sex cult?” “Well, I was 14. Are you sure you want to talk about this?” Is my main response. Every cult becomes a sex cult at some point. Men get power, and oftentimes it goes straight to their dicks.

2) it doesn’t have to be a lot of power. And they probably weren’t predatory before. But I’ve seen guys since, from coaches, teachers, bosses, door men, et al—who will take any token of access and use it as an instrument of coercion.

3) there are a lot of threads going right now about sexual criminals, perverts, and creeps in the comedy scene. They’re in every scene, whether it’s a vegan co-op or a punk club. There’s a type of guy that just bottoms out on this behavior given the slightest chance.

4) I’m barely in comedy at all. I don’t know if I’ll ever do standup again. (But that’s another thread) but I know enough that it’s seemingly impossible to break through and get gigs in LA. What I’ve gotten is mostly through favors from friends.

5) but I came to LA at 47. I have a sense of self that comes with experience, age, and hardship. Younger people are extremely vulnerable to manipulation by those who make a lifestyle of it.

6) at 14, I bought into what a 30 year old told me was true. I met him at 12, I thought he was the coolest evangelist I had ever met. I bailed at 17 and felt like a coward because I couldn’t take what was going on. (Again, another thread)

7) I was naive. I wanted what he promised. I was afraid for years. After, I was still afraid and it led to drug and alcohol addiction. I didn’t talk about it much. I’ve never been public about what group it was. Because I still don’t really know what would happen to me.

8) my personal abuse wasn’t sexual, although others’ were, and it normalized that behavior. I was shot at, beaten, and starved, and always thought it was my fault. I hated that it scared me so much.

9) when sexual assaults come to light, you often hear “why didn’t they come forward at the time?” People who say this don’t have that deep, traumatizing fear that coats the inside of the brain. It takes time to get there.

10) I’m 51. I’ve been through a load of therapy and recovery and there are days and incidents I still don’t want to talk about. I shared last year in a group for the first time about the worst of it. I still have a long way to go.

11) when you hear someone reveal a past trauma, instead of asking why it took so long, try to imagine something so hurtful that it does that long.

12) I’ve been next to men in my adult life who I thought were cool but were monsters. I didn’t know. Predators are good at disguises and secrets.

13) being a victim of a crime makes you feel like enough of an idiot, even though it shouldn’t. Don’t heap more shame on a trauma survivor, they’ve already done enough of that themselves. /end/