“I’m caught in a time loop where my white friends and acquaintances perform the same pieties over and over again.”

It is way past time WE white people stop talking about it and actually start DOING something about it. #ONEV1
1/24 https://www.washingtonpost.com/outlook/white-antiracist-allyship-book-clubs/2020/06/11/9edcc766-abf5-11ea-94d2-d7bc43b26bf9_story.html?fbclid=IwAR0Pc_XP5_oSml6fALWiYITt1czu9ltFrDG9w76aG0dGFQwqLzWwEWHYeYM

And before White People get all undone and say “not ALL white people”, sit down.

If this rant doesn’t apply to you, scroll on bye. If, per chance you are getting your knickers it a knot, this rant most definitely applies to you. 2/24

I’m not exempt from this criticism. I am holding myself accountable here as well.

I thought I was not racist and being a GWP. News flash! I am part of the problem. My eyes were opened at the women’s march in 2017... 3/24

Here I was surrounded by women, predominantly white women, in an atmosphere that was uplifting and positive. My white friends were vocal, “we aren’t going to take this anymore”, finally, something happened that impacted them personally. 4/24

Here I am, in my full glory. Many of my friends attended this march, all white. A few of my BIPOC friends attended. In spite of feeling unheard in the planning process. 5/24

What has been so frustrating is that all but a few of those white friends have faded back into their comfortable white lives since that day, whew, the immediate crisis has been averted, time to “move on”, “I’ve got more important things to focus on right now...” 6/24

Not so much for me. It was that event where I really saw the disconnect between my white world and the actual reality of those who where not white, living in the white world. 7/24

Pretty amazing since the majority of the marchers were white women. Maybe it was because I also lived in a world where I was seeing oppression and the impact of white supremacy. 8/24

So before I go too much deeper, I’m going to out myself.

I’m a racist. I am trying not to be a racist, but I still am.

Even though I am married to an indigenous man, and have BIPOC friends and family, I am still a racist. 9/24

I am actively working to change that. To acknowledge my place in upholding white supremacy and working to #UndoRacism.

Here’s the rub and the place where I get so frustrated with my white friends...and myself. 10/24

It’s hard work, it’s exhausting, and defeating... I’m angry and I’m sad. But, at the end of everyday I get to choose to “turn it off”... I get to choose how involved I will be. I get to choose to engage or disengage. That is my privilege. 11/24

I met my partner in 2008, got reacquainted with him in 2010. We married in 2014. 12/24

I was oblivious to the harm I was causing to BIPOC, and most importantly to the man I love, until this past year. While I have been “doing the work”, the hardest part was recognizing how much was performative rather than productive and real. 13/24

7 years into a relationship and I was only just then getting a glimps, 9 years in and I only just then realized my impact and really committed myself to doing the work, FOR REAL. 14/24

I still have so much work left to do. 15/24

Listening to white people get all bent when they are being called out for their participation in white supremacy is so telling. The defensiveness and fragility IS the tell.

When I find myself bristling and defensive, that is my cue to really listen. 16/24

When my white friends say “you need to take a break from this, it’s too hard on you”, I respond with “My BIPOC family and friends don’t get to take a break from this, when they are able too, then I will”. 17/24

It took until 2017 to finally see what my BIPOC friends had been telling me all along. It is when I learned about optical allyship. 18/24

It was when I finally understood, and witnessed, why they were not eager to join the women’s march. They were being coopted, diminished and dismissed. 19/24

I saw it in places that espoused inclusion. It bothered me then just as it bothers me now.

Here we are, at another point in time where we have the potential to really change things. 20/24

And here we are, again, at a place where the voices of BIPOC are being diminished. Again. Still. 21/24

So what happens next? When this all “calms down”? Are white people going to go back to their daily lives? Content with the activism of the moment? Or are WE going to join the fight and actually do the work necessary to make lasting change? 22/24

I’m optimistic and yet not. Will we see sustained efforts for change? Or are we just going to keep talking about “it”, wringing our hands, and watching it happen. 23/24

I know for me, I will not be quiet. I will keep DOING the work. I am committed to BEING the change. No matter how dangerous, or painful or costly it may be.

I’m only sorry it has taken me this long to see it and be willing to actually DO something about it. 24/24