'A High Noon Shadow, A War Hawk, And A Case Of Agonizing Moustachism.'

Recent Revelations Forced Me To Leap Down This Rabbit Hole. This Is A Deep Dry Dive Dig Into Bolton’s Moustache.

Did Bolton's Moustache Grow Out Fast? Or Was It A Late Bloomer? Who Groomed And Nurtured It As Barely Visible Fuzz? The Early Teen Years? Who Did It Grow Out With? First Female Peach Fuzz Encounter? First Male Peach Fuzz Encounter?

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/fuzz 

There Is An Unconfirmed Rumour That Bolton's Moustache Didn't Actually Meet A Compatible Female Moustache Before It Was In Its Late Thirties. Bolton's Moustache's Undesirability Among Other Young Moustaches Made It An Easy Target Of Moustachism, And An Outcast At An Early Age.

After Years Of Such Severe Moustachism, And Constant Agonizing Painful Self Grooming, Bolton's Moustache's Already Tremendously Confused Hormones Had An Uprising. It Was Horrible To Watch. There Was Fuzz Everywhere.

In The Winter Of 1988 Bolton's Moustache Meets Vivienne's Moustache. Vivienne's Moustache Would Later Turn Out To Be The Moustache That Domesticates John's Moustache, Saves It From The Bottle, And Makes It Do Far More Harder Drugs, And Seriously Weird Sh*t I Can't Describe Here.

A Near Perfect Match, John And Vivienne's Moustaches Share The Same Interest In North Sea Nude Spear Fishing, And Authentic 18th Century Democrat Tribal Attire Embroideries.

Finding Photographs Of Bolton's Moustache From Its Early Years Was Near Impossible. However, I Did Manage To Track Down One Photograph Of Bolton's Moustache From Its First Week At The 'George H.W. Bush War Hawk Academy'.

(Photograph By Barbara Bush Sr.)

Can't Believe I Didn't Catch This Earlier. Bolton's Moustache Hid This From The Public For Decades. My Research Confirms Bolton's Moustache Is 1/64 Emperor Tamarin.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emperor_tamarin

Who Is John Bolton’s Moustache’s Handler? Is Bolton's Moustache Being Threatened Or Blackmailed, Or Is It Ultimately Being Controlled From The Same Washington D.C. Basement That Is The HQ For The Resistance To Take Down President Trump? https://twitter.com/WarNuse/status/1268598058947883009?s=20

We Have Seen This Kind Of Sadistic Murderous Fuzz Before. Read The Google History Books.

Study The Photographs. https://twitter.com/WarNuse/status/1264006993284644865?s=20

After Months Of Intense Research, I Smell Clown. I Believe John Bolton’s Moustache Is CIA, And I Am Willing To Go As Far As To Say It Might Even Be A Double Moustache, Cynically Playing Both Sides.

Bolton’s Moustache's Public Relations Office Could Not Be Waterboarded For A Comment.

(Not To Be Continued. Ever.) https://twitter.com/WarNuse/status/1223319113709379584?s=20

Addendum.

Humor [ hyoo-mer ]

'That Quality Which Appeals To A Sense Of The Ludicrous Or Absurdly Incongruous.'