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I'm tired today, folks. Life feels overwhelming and I've woken up to problems in every inbox. So it seems like a good morning to talk about mental health. I have bipolar II disorder. [thread]
![I'm tired today, folks. Life feels overwhelming and I've woken up to problems in every inbox. So it seems like a good morning to talk about mental health. I have bipolar II disorder. [thread]](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Ea8bCvrXkAAU3_6.jpg "I'm tired today, folks. Life feels overwhelming and I've woken up to problems in every inbox. So it seems like a good morning to talk about mental health. I have bipolar II disorder. [thread]")
I've lived with the diagnosis for almost a decade, but I can trace the bipolar symptoms back much further. I was medicated for depression in my teens - probably far earlier than was healthy and struggled through, remaining fairly balanced through the years...
...until some risky life and business decisions backfired, and triggered a complete mental health breakdown. I can't begin to describe the experience. It systematically destroyed almost every area of my life and I was powerless to stop it.
I finally got a diagnosis. Traumatic events can trigger things that lie below the surface, and that was likely what had happened. The diagnosis was one of the best things that could have happened. What was happening to me started to make sense.
The road back has been long. It took years to find a good medication regime, the side effects of many drugs I tried have been horrific, and remain a struggle - even on the correct meds. I still have very dark times, and very productive times.
All the drugs really do is take the top off the peaks and troughs, and pull my mood up somewhere in the middle - like trying to balance a seesaw without falling off. I have to do a lot of work to stay well - and sometimes I don't stave the mood swings off very well.
Tiree has been an enormous factor in my recovery. It's a place where I can breathe. It's not an easy place to live, but it is a varied and engaging life with problems to solve and enough variety to keep my grasshopper brain entertained - and I feel safe here - which is crucial.
I have wonderful friends who keep an eye out, message if my social media nonsense dies down, check in on me, put up with my mood swings, listen and make me laugh.
I'll never be "well". Recovery is a journey I'll be taking for the rest of my life - as will the meds. But these days I manage to live well - in the presence or absence of symptoms and that is all I can ask for.
I made a promise to myself not long after being diagnosed that after years of not talking and bottling things up, that I would always be open about being bipolar. Mental health problems can kill. They nearly killed me.
So, it's ok to not be ok. There are people who can help. There will be people in your life who want to help but don't know how. There are confidential services who are there to listen - @samaritans is one. I love the resources from @BlurtAlerts
It's the scariest thing in the world to admit that you need help with your mental health. But it's also the bravest thing you can do. Please don't fight your brain alone. Please reach out to someone. The world needs you.
ps. This book by @AmandaRosenberg is brilliant. It's like a manual to my brain! I wish I could dish it out like sweeties. It's also full of humour - which is a coping mechanism I have also been known to deploy from time to time! https://www.waterstones.com/book/thats-mental/amanda-rosenberg/9781684422890
