this video has been sent to me a couple times in the last few hours so i want to talk about it as a fellow ace with a completely opposing opinion (thread) (buckle up cause this got long)

1. "you don't need to tell anyone other than your partner that you're ace" brings up a common point in the larger community which is: you don't have to come out. period. no one other than your immediate circle NEEDS to know anything about your identity. that's not just ace ppl.

2. tw// sexual assault
while i'm truly happy that this person has had nothing but understanding and positive experiences coming out as ace, that is not even remotely a universal experience. ace people face the threat of conversion therapy and rape should we tell the wrong person

+ my personal experiences coming out as ace have varied wildly. some people react with confusion but a shrug, some people say "cool" and move on, but some people (including people i live with) have said they pity me for living a loveless existence. others have offered to "help" +

+ and i should clarify, the "help" offered was not "have you tried..." it was a threat to assault me. one coworker sexually harassed me for weeks after it came up in conversation. she didn't stop after i told her she was making me uncomfortable so i had to file an HR complaint.

we also deal with the internal fear of never finding someone who will love us knowing that we can't promise sex. i think about it so often, it scares me so much, that i have come up with plans - plural - for how to work around my asexuality in a romantic relationship.

+ cishet aces may be straight-presenting in public but that does not make them straight and free of oppression. cishet ace people face their own sets of challenges, many of which boil down to being called inhuman or broken or sick.

3. being asexual is not just being "uncomfortable having sex". it is the utter lack of sexual attraction. being asexual is like looking at a very cute animal. you wanna snuggle it and kiss it and love it but by god you don't want to fuck it. +

+ only that animal has strong opinions about it's own fuckability, REALLY hates that you don't share those opinions, and is rarely above uncomfortable jokes that subtly threaten rape.

4. having a queer identity is not born from identifying with queer struggles throughout history. ... i really don't know what else to say about that.

5. if it's "fundamentally true" that asexuality should be accepted and validated as an identity.... acceptance and validity comes with community. you can't believe that cishet aces aren't LGBTQ+ then turn around and say it needs to be accepted as an identity. +

+ excluding ace people from the community prohibits the acceptance of asexuality as proven by the fact that i'm currently typing this thread arguing for asexual acceptance

6. tw// sexual assault
the speaker acknowledges that corrective rape happens to asexuals then proceeds to say that the rate at which it occurs is nowhere near that of lesbians and it is therefore worse for lesbians... as if both communities don't need to deal with that trauma

+ and as if it was worse for the lesbian being assaulted than the asexual. rape is rape. just because it happens more to one demographic doesn't mean it's ... better?... for the other that it happens to. this is the absolute nicest i can be about this because that is just not it

7. the bisexual and asexual experiences are different. we can all agree on that. however, we aren't talking about bi people in same sex relationships because that isn't the relevant scenario here. cishet ace people in m/f relationships look the same as bi people in that position

+ again, i am not even remotely saying they're the same 100% of the time. but, focusing on the argument, a m/f relationship looks the same to society no matter who's participating in it.

8. being "inherently detached from the queer experience" does not mean you are not queer. there is no One Queer Experience, everyone experiences it differently based on how you identify, what kind of environment you're in, your overall personality etc.

okay that's all. i recognize that nothing in this thread will serve to change anyone's mind because no one is willing to read opposing opinions but there ya go, my opinions on every major point brought up in the above video from another ace perspective. respect asexuals.