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I've been thinking about sexual assault a lot this week. The psychology of it, both on the side of the perpetrator and the victim. A man that assaults you (however minor), doesn't respect you. This is why we should never force ourselves to respect them. Age/status don't matter.
I remember a case of a certain expat. I recently connected the fact that he was the only one against me being given more responsibilities on a project to the fact that he tried to get me to sleep with him later. I remember him promising me perfumes from Europe 
. Perfumes ko.
. Perfumes ko.
He was just one bad egg out of the brilliant expats I worked with. One of them is even now my biggest cheerleader and mentor. But I remember that I was able to stand up to him because I had no real history of abuse and his power play had no effect on me.
I remember thinking, "If this man thinks I'm an African girl that will keep quiet if he tries nonsense, then game on. I will fuck up his life." Luckily for him, he eventually let me go. Anyway, power plays exist in all spaces. Entertainment, professional, academia, development.
He was more than twice my age but I somehow stood up to him. Three things - 1) I didn't believe he would actually rape me - a dangerous gamble that could've ended badly 2) I had nothing to lose - he wasn't my boss 3) No real history of abuse that could've made me more vulnerable.
I think those three things are important in protecting women from sexual assault in different spaces. 1&2) A real zero tolerance policy with drastic consequences for assaulters means that women may feel more powerful in such situations. Make it much harder for men to assault.
2) Consequences of reporting faced by women shld be studied and eliminated. Let us try to minimise the perceived opportunity cost of women standing our ground or reporting incidents. 3) There's a vulnerability that comes with being a survivor of assault that means you may suffer-
-subsequent assault. We need to do more to help survivors. Make them more aware of their vulnerability and how others might take advantage. Turn it into a strength, to the extent that this is possible. Be extra sensitive to their needs. Assaulters prey on vulnerability.
The only way rape and assault can stop is if men stop doing them. Meanwhile, let us attempt to correct the psychological imbalance of power in these interactions by putting more power into the hands of women. We need to make it harder and harder for men to rape/assault.
There was a general principle that cut across my Psychology education. One way to stop bad behaviour is to punish the behaviour consistently. We also learn from observing others' punishment. Let a man's life flash before his eyes when he gets the urge to rape. Maybe he'll stop.
