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You ask about my encounters with three Karens in San Francisco many years ago. https://twitter.com/Beachlady2018/status/1274123291423358982
For @Beachlady2018
You ask about my encounters with three Karens in San Francisco many years ago. https://twitter.com/Beachlady2018/status/1274123291423358982
This is the story of the first Karen. https://twitter.com/COsweda/status/1274116814209839104
Later, I was at a red light.
At the time, San Francisco had the highest rate of pedestrian death by car in the country.
People drew chalk body outlines at every spot when someone had been hit by a car and died.
At the time, San Francisco had the highest rate of pedestrian death by car in the country.
People drew chalk body outlines at every spot when someone had been hit by a car and died.
It looked like some enormous munition had detonated in an airburst overhead, killing hundreds of people.
The problem was oblivious and entitled pedestrians and oblivious entitled drivers.
My then-girlfriend was hit by a car as we were crossing a crosswalk on a green light.
The problem was oblivious and entitled pedestrians and oblivious entitled drivers.
My then-girlfriend was hit by a car as we were crossing a crosswalk on a green light.
A Saab plowed into her at about 40 miles per hour.
She did a headstand on the windshield, and then the guy slammed on the breaks, and she flew off and skidded down the street.
I ran to her, and she popped to her feet.
"I'm fine!" she said. "Just a little road rash."
She did a headstand on the windshield, and then the guy slammed on the breaks, and she flew off and skidded down the street.
I ran to her, and she popped to her feet.
"I'm fine!" she said. "Just a little road rash."
I went over to kill the driver. He backed away as I advanced on him, screaming profanity.
Out of nowhere, a cop car and ambulance appeared.
The cop ticketed the guy, and the paramedics did a full check of my girlfriend.
Out of nowhere, a cop car and ambulance appeared.
The cop ticketed the guy, and the paramedics did a full check of my girlfriend.
They didn't think she had internal injuries or a cerebral hemorrhage, but they said that she wouldn't be able to walk the next day.
And she couldn't.
She stayed in bed a week. It looked liked I'd beaten her with a baseball bat.
I carried her to the bathroom.
And she couldn't.
She stayed in bed a week. It looked liked I'd beaten her with a baseball bat.
I carried her to the bathroom.
Full recovery.
So the SECOND Karen of that day was a women who walked in front of me on the crosswalk when my light turned green.
I slammed on the brakes, and she came over to my open window.
"YOU ALMOST HIT ME!" she screamed. Rich, white blonde woman with dark glasses.
So the SECOND Karen of that day was a women who walked in front of me on the crosswalk when my light turned green.
I slammed on the brakes, and she came over to my open window.
"YOU ALMOST HIT ME!" she screamed. Rich, white blonde woman with dark glasses.
"You had a red light," I said.
"SO WHAT? PEDESTRIANS ALWAYS HAVE THE RIGHT OF WAY! CARS ARE ALWAYS SUPPOSE TO STOP FOR PEDESTRIANS EVEN IF PEDESTRIANS HAVE RED LIGHTS!"
And at that moment, I realized something:
"SO WHAT? PEDESTRIANS ALWAYS HAVE THE RIGHT OF WAY! CARS ARE ALWAYS SUPPOSE TO STOP FOR PEDESTRIANS EVEN IF PEDESTRIANS HAVE RED LIGHTS!"
And at that moment, I realized something:
At least half of the dead pedestrians in San Francisco deserved to die.
So I said, "Have your family ask the mortician to give you one last facelift before they put you in the coffin."
Then I drove away.
So I said, "Have your family ask the mortician to give you one last facelift before they put you in the coffin."
Then I drove away.
The third Karen was chewing out...a clerk in a Starbucks.
It was going on forever.
So I stepped forward and wedged myself in front of the woman and physically forced her away from the counter.
"One large black coffee," I said.
It was going on forever.
So I stepped forward and wedged myself in front of the woman and physically forced her away from the counter.
"One large black coffee," I said.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" the Karen screamed. "I WAS ORDERING!"
"You'll have to forgive me, Ma'am. I don't speak a word of English," I said.
She just stood there, her mouth open.
I got my coffee, and as I was leaving, she called me a naughty word.
"You'll have to forgive me, Ma'am. I don't speak a word of English," I said.
She just stood there, her mouth open.
I got my coffee, and as I was leaving, she called me a naughty word.
"Yes, but I'm the best one in the world," I said.
And I left.
That was 2005.
I'M NEVER GOING BACK.
My brother went there on business in 2012.
He stayed in a hotel in the financial district.
And I left.
That was 2005.
I'M NEVER GOING BACK.
My brother went there on business in 2012.
He stayed in a hotel in the financial district.
At night, he heard a strange moaning-humming sound all night, coming from all directions.
Finally he went out to look.
Power washers.
Cleaning the sidewalks and streets.
Finally he went out to look.
Power washers.
Cleaning the sidewalks and streets.
One day he took a walk.
Exactly one block away from the financial district was the Dark Ages.
Tents and a giant teeming crowd of homeless people--screaming, fighting, screwing, peeing, crapping, and puking.
In the street and on both sidewalks.
Exactly one block away from the financial district was the Dark Ages.
Tents and a giant teeming crowd of homeless people--screaming, fighting, screwing, peeing, crapping, and puking.
In the street and on both sidewalks.
My brother went to Moscow in 1978.
He stayed in an upscale hotel.
One block away, the streets were unpaved, and everyone lived in shotgun shacks.
The residents were barefoot, cooking potatoes in huge cauldrons.
He stayed in an upscale hotel.
One block away, the streets were unpaved, and everyone lived in shotgun shacks.
The residents were barefoot, cooking potatoes in huge cauldrons.
What do Moscow in 1978 and San Francisco in 2012 have in common?
Take a wild guess.
END
Take a wild guess.
END
