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Today in an effort to hold De School accountable (a place I actually care about), I shared an example of crappy violent racist interaction I had with one of their employees. I didn't expect things to blow up in this way so I think I ought to myself to give some context.
If you've ever discussed with me about my personal life, you know that I tend to trivialise violence and talk about it casually. I shared that incident at De School because it was my story to tell, and I didn't want to implicate anyone else in the point I was making.
I've had issues for years with the fact that in the Amsterdam scene, denial and silence are the way people deal with criticism. In spite of my activity online, I've actually tried a more 'compassionate' and 'understanding' approach than calling out.
Mostly because calling out takes a lot of energy and tend to impede on my working hours. I've tried for years to sit people down over a beer, to break things down. I've read books for the sole purpose of learning how to teach someone else how to do better.
People see calling out as the default tool, when really it is the last resort. I take no joy in calling out someone I share so many friends with. It's not a pleasure to see people I've known for years suddenly turn their back on me. I wish someone else did it.
The truth is: people did speak out in my place in the past. I've let so many Black folks down because to be frank I didn't personally have a problem with the place. I was a real hypocrite: I was safe and it was good enough for me.
Anyway, last year, DS's co-prog. Elisa flipped out on me, slapped me in the face and threatened to call the cops on me. Being a 6'2 Black man, I knew the odds weren't in my favour, so I left. I really thought this was a good example of abuse of authority, so I shared it today.
I honestly didn't expect this reaction. I've heard that Elisa claims that we never met and she doesn't know who I am. I've never confronted her and it's entirely possible that she doesn't remember any of our interactions. We could have sorted this out with a simple apology.
As it is often the case in the A'dam scene: it's not the 'incidents' which do the most harm, it is the lack of apologies. It's them getting around you to talk to your friends and discredit you. It's them reminding you how deep they are in your social network and who you'll loose.
I'm tweeting this, not to stirr the pot, but to be clear on my side of the story. I also don't feel comfortable giving out more details about what happened to anyone so please do not ask. There are more stories out there hopefully I won't be the only one speaking out.
