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I had a really hard time with the Chr*s D’*lia thing today because it brought up some suppressed memories of my own groomer.
This is hard to write, not about someone any of you know, and still a sore subject 6 years later. But I think it’s worth sharing bc it helps me process it
This is hard to write, not about someone any of you know, and still a sore subject 6 years later. But I think it’s worth sharing bc it helps me process it
My high school theatre teacher actively groomed my class for about five years. She taught us from 8th grade to senior year. She was a woman in her mid 60s, claimed to have “big industry connections” that would make us famous, and we idolized the fuck out of her.
Some still do.
Some still do.
In 2011, we put on a A Midsummer Nights Dream. At 15, she put me on stage in lingerie as my “fairy costume”. She personally coated the boys in edible body glitter. Each lesson began with heightening our sex appeal because “it was a show about sex”.
Every night after the show, she’d have us drive to her house. She’d invite underaged teens to drink with her and smoke pot. None of us told our parents because she was cool and fun and could “blacklist us” if we got on her bad side.
Boys and girls shared dressing rooms. She’d have us greet each other for the day “using every part of our body.”
It started out with minor things like that. Like, “okay this isn’t SO bad because this is an adult who is powerful and loves us and other adults put in charge.”
It started out with minor things like that. Like, “okay this isn’t SO bad because this is an adult who is powerful and loves us and other adults put in charge.”
It got weirder over time. She’d have us eat lunch with her every day. Would ask who was sleeping with who. Would tell you who you could and couldn’t be friends with. Would make your life a living hell if you didn’t play along.
My high school boyfriend and I were/are very close. She got jealous of our relationship and pressured him into breaking up with me or she’d have her husband renege his college theatre scholarship.
I can say that she and her husband tried to fuck multiple students after they turned 18.
This is why the take that “it wasn’t illegal” is really not sitting well with me.
This is why the take that “it wasn’t illegal” is really not sitting well with me.
When an adult has that much of a say in your sexual development, it leaves a weird singe on your psyche. Even sitting here writing this, I feel guilty because people have had it MUCH worse. But even if it’s not “that bad”, there are still scars six years later I’m working on.
Because of the environment she fostered, I had classmates grab my chest without my permission. I had a classmate throw me across the stage hard with no consequences.
I lost almost every friend I had. I got depressed and stopped doing comedy for 4 years after I graduated HS.
I lost almost every friend I had. I got depressed and stopped doing comedy for 4 years after I graduated HS.
It took the stories about Louis CK and the women he bullied out of comedy to reignite an anger and a passion in me that, “no, my voice matters and is needed somewhere” after being told for so long that it didn’t.
I started classes with second city that same week.
I started classes with second city that same week.
Even writing this, I’m nervous about imaginary repercussions. I’m nervous I’m taking up a space I don’t deserve. I’m nervous the gaslighting will come back and maybe I’m making something out of nothing.
I’m not the worst person she hurt. But even so, it still hurt me deeply.
I’m not the worst person she hurt. But even so, it still hurt me deeply.
Grown adults know what they’re doing when they put teenagers in compromising positions. They’re babies. They look up to you. We need to hold those, especially those in power, accountable.
This is exactly why.
This is exactly why.
Was doubting myself again, then found this fun lil diddy of a message she sent me in 2011.
But anyway, thanks for the kind words and support. I’m still shaking from nerves after writing this but it’s been nice to get it out of my system.
Be kind to each other, keep taking down groomers, etc, etc, have a good night
Be kind to each other, keep taking down groomers, etc, etc, have a good night
