A universal DH. Finally. An extra .04 hits per game. Feed me that efficiency. I am an Olympian, and on this I sup.
When I see a lumbering jackass stride to the plate, successful 28% of the time, I am at ease. Swing thy bat, doughty lad. Offer up a sacrifice to the god of efficiency. My time is valuable.
I have stocks to buy and crops to plant. Acres of land lie before me, awaiting my firm hand and the steely strike of my plow. Waste not my time with pitchers batting. Every swing and miss leads me closer to the cold comfort of eternal slumber.
When I see a pitcher speedily make an out I get mad. This is not the American way. I want long slow grinding 30-35% optimized efficieny from that slot. Hell yes. Turn this homespun nonsense into a Manchester factory town.
No, son. Let me explain. There are two leagues. One is the National League. One is the American League. They’re the same fucking thing now.
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