#OnThisDay in 1861, the First Battle of Boonville took place in central Missouri. Actually, the word “battle” is a bit much; it was a skirmish, with a handful of casualties. But it had huge ramifications for the state of Missouri. So let's take a closer look at what went down ...

Here was the situation: A fiery army captain, Nathaniel Lyon, arrived in St. Louis before the war. With the help of the city’s abolitionist Germans, he secured the federal arsenal, which was a target for the Missouri State Guard, the armed secessionist faction that had sprung up.

On June 11, Lyon met for 4 hours with Sterling Price, in charge of the Missouri State Guard, and Claiborne Jackson, the pro-Rebel governor (pictured) who fought the Federal government with the same enthusiasm as he fought his own hairline. In the end, both struggles were in vain.

Jackson demanded Federals stay in St. Louis, and Lyon wanted the state guard disbanded. (They met at the Planter’s House Hotel, which claims to have created the Tom Collins cocktail. Hey, if I had to listen to Claiborne Jackson for 4 hours, I’d invent new ways to drink gin, too.)

Finally, Lyon pointed to each guy in the room and said that, rather than states dictating to the Federal government, “I would see you, and you, and you, and you, and every man, woman and child in the state dead and buried. This means war.”

So … yeah. Not a guy who minces words.

Although often described as “a young captain,” Lyon was 42. He’d fought in Florida, Mexico, and California (where he led a brutal massacre of members of the Pomo tribe.) But despite his … experience ... and abolitionist views, his aggressiveness caught the State Guard off-guard.

See, Lyon decided to take the scenic route. Rather than skirmishing down the state, he boarded his 2,000 troops (mostly German volunteers, with some US Army regulars and artillery) on steamboats and sailed after Jackson and Price, who made a stand on the bluffs above Boonville.

But the State Guard was poorly organized and many only had shotguns. (If you’re picturing, like, 500 Elmer Fudds, you’re not far wrong.) Making matters worse, Sterling Price called in sick with diarrhea. Here’s a political cartoon depicting his plight. Hope it brightens your day.

It took 20 minutes for the more professional Union forces to disperse the State Guard; Lyon flanked them and used a howitzer on one of the steamboats to drive home his point. Here, have another political cartoon: this one shows Nathaniel Lyon as a LION chasing his prey. Get it?!?

Despite the minimal casualties, the clash had far-reaching consequences: the State Guard abandoned northern and central Missouri. Is there a political cartoon about that, featuring Nathaniel Lyon as a lion? Yep! Here he is, in a mockery of PSAs of the time about stray animals …

(And let’s not gloss over the fact that PSAs about the danger of stray animals were SO COMMON in the 1860s they could be parodied. Don’t the olden days sound like fun, kids? If the dysentery doesn’t get you, the dire wolves that broke out of Mrs. Billingham’s menagerie WILL!)