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What's infuriating me the most about seeing these brave women speak out against the behavior perpetrated by men in the comics industry, is that it seems like a huge swath of people knew, not just those who lived through it or in fear of it. Others, who could have said something.
I spoke to several men (outside of industry) about it, and some of what I considered to be egregious behavior was just shrugged off. Then I realized that they have never been put in a position like that before. From their pov, everything seems fine. Two consenting adults right?
Many men have never been put in the situation of having to decide whether or not you should just live with abusive behavior (and the shame and the pain and the fear that comes with it) to hold on to your career.
They don't understand what it's like to enter what you think is a professional relationship just to be bait and switched in the worst way by people you respect, by people who can seriously affect your standing in an industry.
And so they try to downplay it.
And so they try to downplay it.
And it happens outside of work too. It's going out with a group of men who you trust and love and realize that they think that the appropriate way to deescalate someone who has harassed you is to get buddy buddy with him and buy him a drink.
It's threats disguised as edgy jokes laughed off because "hey, we're all having fun, aren't we?"
It's knowing that your experience is known but ignored to "keep the peace." But whose peace are we keeping?
Yesterday, @notlasers tweeted "surviving abuse shouldn't have to be a professional rite of passage" and I cried, because I think I had stopped believing that.
Because the world didn't ever seem to care, I just started believing that living with this was part of life. That it just had to be lived through. But it isn't and it shouldn't be.
You do not have to be actively malicious (though many abusers are) to seriously harm people. People in power need to be responsible and learn what their power means. And then NOT ABUSE THAT POWER.
This kind of abuse of power and manipulation is rampant. A similar thing is happening in poetry as well. Famous white male poet's behavior has been ignored time and time again. He still has his teaching job.
It's important to note that this behavior most often targets those who have voices that no one will listen to. People early in their careers, young people, women, people of color, queer people, trans people. They have fewer opportunities to break in, they don't have backup.
I am furious that the onus of change has been placed on people who have had to live through these awful and unfair and manipulative experiences. I am hoping for a better future, but in an industry that has known and hidden and known and hidden, how can we expect change?
I love comics. I really do, but at some point (like many others) I think I'm going to have to ask myself "Is it really worth it?"
