Saw this bit last night about “how to get hired by tabletop companies.” Now note this isn’t a callout. Just a topic I want to mull over. A lot of the ideas were basically “Don’t talk about bad actors unless you have concrete evidence. So hold off when you hear reports of abuse.”

That’s such a rough topic for me. Because while it sounds smart on the surface, I had that sort of “professionalism” used against me as a cudgel for ten years, and that thinking ultimately left me blacklisted from most of the industry.

It was people who didn’t want to rock the boat, who wanted to wait for that magical next level of evidence before they’d be willing to take a stand. In the end, what happened to me and many others was never enough. It took credible accusations of serial rape.

Now I get not jumping quickly. I’ve been burned by that. And I get not wanting to “cancel” someone over some negligent shit they screwed up about in a game book. But real, material harm?

Not wanting to risk their jobs led to many people pulling “both sides are equally to blame.” Make no mistake; it was extremely one-side. His victims were NOT equally as culpable as he was. But “the truth is in the middle” was a convenient excuse to not act for a decade.

I’d be much more forgiving if that were an isolated case. I’ve seen these companies shoot down sexual abuse accusations from a dozen women, claiming they never actually knew (when they had complaints from numerous women over a number of years.)

Do you want those three cents a word for writing elves? Well yes, maybe it WOULD be beneficial if you keep your head down when women are crying. You’ll be the star of the show. Every company that burned me, I can point to big stars on their roster who refused to stand up.

Yes, it ABSOLUTELY will help your career to be silent when abuse comes to light. I guarantee you this is the case. But maybe instead of telling people to do that, maybe we should interrogate WHY the advice we give to newbies in the industry is to not make waves.

The caveat on this advice is always, “of course you should stand up when there’s clear abuse.” Yeah. After ten years and numerous serial rape and physical assault allegations come to light. But fuck all the victims along the path.

Make no mistake: You’re literally told not to speak up. I have lost work because I spoke up about that and other abusers. I was literally told last year by a major company that “I might be let back in if I keep my head down and quiet for six months.”

You can speak up about abuse. But only, ONLY after the industry at large has completely accepted the incontrovertible truth of the case. Which means you can NEVER be the first one to speak up. The first one becomes a sacrifice.

It’s geek social fallacies. Ostracizers are bad. So the first wave of people speaking out against abuse get blacklisted and shunned as ostracizers. The final wave, when it’s no longer possible to ride the fence, they become heroes for their painstaking effort.

In tabletop games, working for the majors means making less than minimum wage, it means fan abuse, it means no appreciation. Are you willing to throw victims under the bus for that? If you are, warn me so I can never, ever trust you again.

I wanted to work on the games I loved growing up. And I put up with so much shit to be able to. When I realized that I was never important as a human being, only as a content mill, that burned. Being told that all I have to do is be silent about abuse for 4 cents a word stung.

Now all my industry peers keep being outed as abusers, child predators, and rapists. And while I used to be surprised, now it just numbs me, because I know EXACTLY why it takes so long for these issues to come to light.

That thread was about the industry at large, but it was REALLY about a couple of big names. And of course I can look at those companies now and identify so many people who are either predators themselves, or helped predators find and groom victims. Don’t rock the boat.

So now if I say “this person helped feed victims to this known predator,” it’s answered with “Olivia is lying,” a block, and thirty likes from people who have helped feed victims to the same predator. People who get paid to write “safety rules” in games.

For a lot of those complicit, I honestly think they don't know what they've done. They've bought in. And since there's this culture of "anyone who speaks out has an axe to grind," they can reassure themselves they're innocent.

Now, don't get me wrong, there's a place for caution. It's why I try to be careful about callouts against marginalized people, and when it's just about game content and not direct harm. Bad actors weaponize call outs to cause meaningful harm.

But with these companies, the (almost universally) men who perpetrate these abuses are often protected until the last possible moment, and the people who originally stood up are NEVER vindicated.

In fact, if you want REAL advice for how to succeed in tabletop games, lemme tell you how:

Shun victims. Say they have an agenda. Blacklist them. Lie about them.

Then when it's no longer convenient, side against their abusers and say you will not stand for abuse.

If you do that, then you cut out competition for those sweet, sweet three cents per word, AND you get held up as a champion in the fight against bad actors in gaming! So it's a win-win.

And believe me, THEY TALK. I have been hired by a completely new company before, only to be fired with a, "Sorry. But X company said we shouldn't work with you."

Not paid for the work I did. Just unceremoniously let go.

So when you see me all, "life stinks, I'm depressed," know that this sort of thing contributes heavily to it. Seeing peers who turned their back on me, seeing peers insist victimizers "get a second chance" while having zero compunction about blacklisting me. It hurts.

Don't get me wrong, going 100% indie was good for me, for my health, for my art. I wouldn't take it back for the world. But, I can't realistically make this art without being surrounded by these people because the communities overlap so heavily.

But let me give you another piece of advice, ESPECIALLY if you're a marginalized person. Gaming pays too little, too late. You don't NEED this freelance gig for the game you loved as a teenager. You'd be better off doing telecommuting for a call center. Seriously.

It's not worth throwing other people under the bus. It's never worth it. Especially for less than minimum wage, often paid a year or more after you actually do the work, IF YOU GET PAID AT ALL. (Woe is you if you say, "They didn't pay me." You'll be treated worse than a rapist.)