Random thread because this has been on my mind.

I don’t post much about “Toxic masculinity” if at all, though it can be argued that my content is a constant example of it, but I do want to write about and discuss how absolutely silly it is. 1/

To me, toxic masculinity or the concept of masculinity in general comes from people thinking they can decide what makes a man a man. And it really is one of the most bizarre concepts in our culture. The list of what makes a man a man is as arbitrary as it is endless. 2/

A man has to:

Be muscular, be able to change a tire, be heterosexual, be a leader, protect his family, be good at poker, curse, be a grill master, love sports, control his woman, fight, handle his liquor and the list goes on and on

3/

At the same time, a real man doesn’t:

Cry, take shit from anybody, drive a small car, stay a Virgin, consume soy, stand up for women, hit women, wear a mask during a pandemic, hug other men, etc.

Again, a list that is arbitrary and meaningless.

4/

And these lists of do’s and don’t’s change from person to person and are directly contradictory.

Being muscular is seen as manly, sure, but being a ballet dancer or cheer leader is not. But dancers and cheer leaders are incredibly muscular. 5/

These concepts of masculinity start young as boys are told they are not men for being in their school’s drama group but some of the “manliest men” in our culture are actors like Hemsworth, Willis, and Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson.

6/

So when all of these mixed messages are flying around, yeah men’s minds get poisoned. That’s what makes it toxic. They think they have to adhere to this infinite and contradicting list of criteria that is literally impossible to attain. 7/

If you look at incel content as an example, they think they have to get laid to be a man but that woman must be a Virgin, and they can’t get that woman by “simping” or treating her with respect, and if they wait too long it doesn’t count because she’s too old and if they pay for

it doesn’t count and if she’s from another country it doesn’t count and all of these rules that literally make them think that being a man is definitely by these ridiculous parameters.

No wonder they are unhinged. 9/

The fact of the matter is when you try to apply literally any criteria to a man you will find one example of someone who doesn’t match that criteria yet is still a man. There is literally no way to quantify manhood and really it doesn’t matter. 10/

There is this pressure to show others that you are a man and it leads men to think they need to do silly things like watch their testosterone intake or avoid activities they love. If you decide you’re a man, you’re a man. No criteria necessary. 11/

And this applies to how women are viewed. What makes a woman a woman? Another endless list of criteria that no woman can completely attain. And it’s a list used to shame women constantly despite its several inconsistencies. 12/

So these criteria are basically meaningless. These unrealistic and contradictory lists don’t apply to a single individual and the decision for what makes a man a man, or a woman a woman, lies directly with the individual, not with anyone else. 13/

And then this of course leads to transphobia because the foundation of transphobia is that you get to decide what makes a gender a gender, and no one gets to decide that for another person, because the criteria does not exist. 14/

Trying to say a woman is not a woman because they can’t give birth also excludes all of the women who have gone through menopause or can’t conceive for other medical reasons; the criteria is meaningless. 15/

Plus there is a bit of irony in the fact that those that tend to be transphobic and decide who is a man or woman were the ones who had no problem calling the First Lady a man from 2009-2017. The criteria is meaningless. 16/

So it’s time to abandon this meaningless criteria.

Can’t fix a leaky pipe? You’re still a man. Can’t bake? You’re still a woman. Gay? You’re still a man. Like to curse? You’re still a woman.

No one can tell anyone who they are. And it’s toxic to try. #Xmensrights

17/17