Read on Twitter
[Abuse]
This list is really good. Would also add that "keeps track of who unfollows them and @ s people who unfollow to ask why" is maybe a sign of insecurity, is definitely a sign of bad boundaries, and is often (usually?) abusive. https://twitter.com/what_eats_owls/status/1273003064757112832
This list is really good. Would also add that "keeps track of who unfollows them and @ s people who unfollow to ask why" is maybe a sign of insecurity, is definitely a sign of bad boundaries, and is often (usually?) abusive. https://twitter.com/what_eats_owls/status/1273003064757112832
[Abuse]
It's also tricky to make a comprehensive list of abusive behavior, because abusers adapt to avoid people noticing their abuse
It's also tricky to make a comprehensive list of abusive behavior, because abusers adapt to avoid people noticing their abuse
[Abuse]
Also, it's possible for someone to be an abuse survivor and also abusive
Which, as an Autistic person who likes Clear Social Rules, messes with me a lot
Also, it's possible for someone to be an abuse survivor and also abusive
Which, as an Autistic person who likes Clear Social Rules, messes with me a lot
[Abuse]
Generally I try to look at someone's response to being confronted about abuse or bigotry
It's usually very telling
Generally I try to look at someone's response to being confronted about abuse or bigotry
It's usually very telling
[Abuse]
Other people on here have said this better, but a good apology includes an actual apology (not "I'm sorry, but" or "I'm sorry if you were offended")
And also the person tries not to repeat the mistake
Other people on here have said this better, but a good apology includes an actual apology (not "I'm sorry, but" or "I'm sorry if you were offended")
And also the person tries not to repeat the mistake
[Abuse]
Whereas an abuser tactic is DARVO when confronted about harmful behavior
[Deny] the claim
[Attack] the person making the claim
[Reverse
Victim and
Offender] e.g. "I'm the real victim here because this person was abusive to me"
Whereas an abuser tactic is DARVO when confronted about harmful behavior
[Deny] the claim
[Attack] the person making the claim
[Reverse
Victim and
Offender] e.g. "I'm the real victim here because this person was abusive to me"
[Abuse]
Abuse can also be really subtle
My ex took a course on resetting dislocated/subluxed joints, which is a really nice thing to do for your disabled partner who frequently subluxes joints
And it definitely could be that
Abuse can also be really subtle
My ex took a course on resetting dislocated/subluxed joints, which is a really nice thing to do for your disabled partner who frequently subluxes joints
And it definitely could be that
[Abuse]
My ex also worked in a really toxic work environment. She admitted that she always made sure there were work tasks only she knew how to do so her job would never fire her.
I knew this was not good, but chalked it up to the toxic work stuff.
My ex also worked in a really toxic work environment. She admitted that she always made sure there were work tasks only she knew how to do so her job would never fire her.
I knew this was not good, but chalked it up to the toxic work stuff.
[Abuse]
My ex promised to show me or our mutual partner (polyamory!) how to do the techniques she learned
But she never did
My ex promised to show me or our mutual partner (polyamory!) how to do the techniques she learned
But she never did
[Abuse]
And now that we broke up and I look back on the more obvious abuse (e.g. throwing things at people, "you're the only people who understand", etc)
I wonder if she just didn't get around to sharing info about fixing dislocations, orrr
And now that we broke up and I look back on the more obvious abuse (e.g. throwing things at people, "you're the only people who understand", etc)
I wonder if she just didn't get around to sharing info about fixing dislocations, orrr
[Abuse]
If, like at her job, she (intentionally or subconsciously) didn't share that information because it was a means of control and a way to make it harder for us to break up
If, like at her job, she (intentionally or subconsciously) didn't share that information because it was a means of control and a way to make it harder for us to break up
[Abuse]
But to an outsider, a partner learning how to help their disabled partner is a good thing
And in most cases, it would be
(And tbh even now, I am not 100% sure this was a means of controlling me)
But to an outsider, a partner learning how to help their disabled partner is a good thing
And in most cases, it would be
(And tbh even now, I am not 100% sure this was a means of controlling me)
[Abuse]
Similarly, out of context my behavior could be seen as abusive
e.g. cutting off contact completely once we broke up
Just like all her stories about awful ex partners sounded just awful
Similarly, out of context my behavior could be seen as abusive
e.g. cutting off contact completely once we broke up
Just like all her stories about awful ex partners sounded just awful
[Abuse]
Anyway, my greater point is that it can be hard to tell what is abuse, especially from inside an abusive relationship
And there's no strategy to detect abuse that works 100% of the time
Anyway, my greater point is that it can be hard to tell what is abuse, especially from inside an abusive relationship
And there's no strategy to detect abuse that works 100% of the time
[Abuse]
Which of course makes it hard to deal with abusive people in your communities
In general, I try to look at patterns of behavior, as well as peoples' responses to being told they're being harmful, as well as if they respect boundaries.
Which of course makes it hard to deal with abusive people in your communities
In general, I try to look at patterns of behavior, as well as peoples' responses to being told they're being harmful, as well as if they respect boundaries.
[Abuse]
Also, if I ever get the sense that I can't gently tell a friend they messed up or ask them to stop a behavior that is accidentally crossing my boundaries because I'm afraid it will basically end the friendship
It is a giant red flag that we're not actually friends
Also, if I ever get the sense that I can't gently tell a friend they messed up or ask them to stop a behavior that is accidentally crossing my boundaries because I'm afraid it will basically end the friendship
It is a giant red flag that we're not actually friends
[PTSD]
Also I have apparently triggered my own damn self and I'm starting to dissociate, so I'm going to mute this thread, log off, and stim.
Also I have apparently triggered my own damn self and I'm starting to dissociate, so I'm going to mute this thread, log off, and stim.
