The amount of shit I've had to take. I've been emotionally bullied and physically beaten. I've always had quite a trusting and naive nature and that's been taken advantage of more times than I can count BUT... I retain it.
I didn't want to let go of that trusting and perhaps almost childish wonder I have. I've met more good people than bad, the bad were just REALLY bad, full on sociopaths. Took years of healing and learning.
But the way I look at it all is... I appreciate good people on a really high level. If I don't trust ill be miserable. My trust was abused in the past, but that doesn't mean I should have it stolen from my future.

I sometimes think people must think it hard to imagine me in a position where I'm taking hits or being manipulated - that's cause I've come away from that stuff determined to never deal with it again. I wasn't always assertive. I didn't always have a big mouth.
So yeah. I am nice to people because I want to have the exact opposite effect on the world that abusers do. I wanna project love and care and kindness.
